After endless tossing and turning on bed with my mind in some zone of itself I finally decided to pen it all down. Because it is the only way I know that would give me some peace and will help me accept the reality in a better way. Also I hope to be able to think clearly about the things to do next in future by the time I am done writing this one. It is a plain saga of immense failure after a few good old days, you can skip reading it if you think you might feel gloomy after reading it. Or else just take a sneak peek into this little story.

I started preparing for CAT with a keen focus in my third year of engineering so that by the time I would be in my final year I would be able to give it a shot. And by ‘shot’ I mean only the best one. Regular studies, practice and analysis was like food for many months. The fact that I enjoyed doing it all kept me happier for most of the days even though if life sucked at some ends. I never bothered about anything in that period but CAT. I knew it I would make it in the first attempt only and was praying for a decent score as well. The day came and went and I knew that I did it. Now what was left was the actual result and interviews the next year. Sat for other exams and knew would make it through them as well. Finally the month of results arrived. Not a great score that I had in my mind but I still got a decent score that was enough to secure calls from the places I had applied to. I was satisfied with my performance not elated because I knew the real deal was what lay ahead.

Shortlists started pouring in, I didn’t make it to the shortlists of any of the elite IIMs. Well that was a low blow. But then realized that being a GEM really sucked. The other calls made it up for the initial expected disappointment. What made me afloat was the fact that I got calls from all my choices apart from the old IIMs. Hopes were high and so did the zeal to make the most out of it.

Then started the crazy ride of interviews one after another, travelled a lot ( it was a lot for me as I don’t really travel much), met so many new people, got to know so many things that I didn’t know earlier. Well I did get tired of the long process of interviews and the wait between successive interviews and the preparation it required but I was enjoying it a bit as well. It was all new to me.

The interviews got over in their time and meanwhile some results were out. Initial disappointments I would say but I was confident that I would make it somewhere. One by one after long killing waits I was face to face with the output of my effort. Accepting each rejection as it came with a hard to maintain optimism that I would make it somewhere. But I didn’t. I open up my mailbox many a times a day when a result is expected to arrive in hope of a confirmation mail. But there has been none. And the result of new IIMs finally out, which were my last hope, I failed here again. Now with nothing in hand I am staring at another attempt which I am not so sure whether I will make it this time. This journey has been tiring. And I really now admire those people who have given multiple shots at it. It does require a lot of courage and a strong will to do so. I guess we all have been lucky to witness some miracles like that on pagalguy.

To sum it all up, as I said in the beginning that I might get some clarity of what lies ahead by the time I am done writing this piece, it seems I have. Finally, some peace. I can finally doze off and start again tomorrow, “as a lot has to be done; a lot is still to be won”.