I want to be a manager one day. But yes, I don’t want to write this stupid test. I simply get filtered out every time even though I strongly believe that I’m better than 99% of the people who apply, when it comes to skills that a manager requires (I still haven’t met a manager who has tried to solve family relations puzzles to impress his/her clients).

I tried to tell my company’s CEO that I’m brilliant at public speaking but for some reason my official email account was blocked the next day. I then approached my manager, a really nice chap, and told him that I was quite proficient in English, French and Hindi. I could understand Marathi quite well and generally speak well enough to impress the girl next door. But he said, “Okay, can you please make sure that the tasks for the day are done?” I replied, “Oui,” and left his cabin wondering if this was even a conversation.

I like the security guard who sits patiently outside; he always smiles when he sees me. So I approached him and said, “I can manage time well, I can interact with different people from different countries and cultures, I have traveled to places outside India, I am oozing with confidence, my sister tells me that I’m the smartest looking guy of this century, all my friends love me, I can handle situations, manage work and people, blah blah, and really blah. But still, I’m forced to write a test to even get a chance to prove that I’m worthy. Why?” The security ‘wallah’ looked at me and said, “Sir, chai? coffee?”

Once when I forced my project lead to listen to my ramblings, he said, “See, this is the only practical way colleges can select candidates. That doesn’t mean they are selecting the right ones. You need to prove it to them that you are ready to be proven right. Now, give me some proof that would substantiate your claims.” Well, he spent next one hour trying to ask my mom to calm down and tell her that he was convinced that I was Superman!

It is sad that our brilliant institutes haven’t been able to come up with any innovative ideas to select candidates properly. I have plenty of ideas; ideas that do away with CAT-like tests, that filter out people in the right way, that bring only the brightest and the best to the forefront. But apparently, I have to write CAT to even be eligible to be heard.

Well, I really am that good. I don’t care about what CAT “thinks”. All I know is that my father is so proud of me that he thinks that I already own a company: “Writing CAT Delimited and Uncorporated!”

I’m that smart raven that CAT “thinks” to be unworthy of attention.

A Bientot!

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