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This is my Waterloo

I hear rehab is expensive.

I can’t get my head around what is happening to my body. It started out as casually as can be. “I can control my urges” or “a little won’t do no harm.” This was before I started spiralling out of control.

My family is oblivious to my condition. They think they know their son too well. But this habit makes your inner devil obscure everything else. Your priorities become skewed and you can only think about when you will get your next fix.

It makes matters worse when you are studying. It leaves you with a haze, that prevents you from making sense of the crappy scores you have been getting recently. I mean seriously, who even cares if you flunk the exam, that you put in tons of preparation for? So, you missed a few study sessions. Big Deal! It will all work out in the end. It has to.

I have failed to report to work on time for a couple of days. The boss is getting suspicious. My friends fail to understand my viewpoint. Does that mean I have a problem? Do I need help? Why can’t I see what’s wrong with me?

All I seem to care about is my next ‘binge’. Man, is it awesome or what? I love the hypnotic state it puts me in, free from thought or pain or misery. Some people say, it’s the closest you can get to dying, without actually stopping your heart. Talk about an out-of-body experience.

I also like how it’s totally clean. No snorting involved, your teeth don’t rot, no danger of death-by-asphyxiation, no ghastly syringe marks on your forearm. Your lungs are spared a charcoal makeover, and your grey cells wont be fried either.

I might sound like I’m justifying my addiction, maybe even propagating it. But while it does have its recreational benefits, aside from being one of the human body’s primitive needs, too much of it can turn into a problem. I am currently experiencing some serious downtime due to it, but I feel helpless. Who do I call, where do I seek help? Does anyone know how to cure a sleep addict?

PS: This article was conceived after a butter-chicken fuelled afternoon nap. I slept through several hours of study time, that were earmarked for practising reading comprehension questions (I remember starting to read a paragraph, after that everything is hazy) so I thought of preaching about my addiction.

It is better than being a junkie, though.

Drugs are Bad. Period.

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