Days had passed. I went to my routine back. He had asked me to take care of myself so I decided I will do exactly that, if not for me, for him because I was sure that is what he would want to see when he returns. So today was the day, I had worked for. I was numb inside. I was not freaking out like I would have been about my results and the outcome. It was just a normal day without him. My folks were glued to the results screen-with my admit card. I was cooking. I had been cooking since past few days. It helped. It was the time I would not think of him. It was the time when I did not have to feel the anger. It was not pain anymore, it had turned into anger.

My father came in and told me the news. I was at some 98.something percentile. I mean that is a good thing,isn’t it? I joined in the mood of happiness with my family. They deserved better, right? Alex came in to see me. He hugged me and asked if I was okay. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”, I said, smiling. My friends dropped in. The whole day went by. “He would have been happy.”, Alex said. I nodded and went away serving Coke around.

It was late by the time everyone left. I strode into my room,tired. I hated cooking. I shut off the lamps,pulled the blankets over my head and went off to sleep. My phone rung. My heart skipped a beat just then. It was an unidentified number. My hands shook. I froze. I gathered myself and picked it up, “Sam?”, I asked. “Ana!”, I heard him. My heart rate went up. I did not know what to say. “You’re okay?”,I managed.

“Ana! I am so sorry.And yes, I am good. And James told me you are good too.!”,I heard his voice.

“You didn’t call”, I complained.

“I know. I couldn’t”, he said. There was silence.

“I will see you soon,Ana! I have to go, now”,he said.

‘Please’, I wanted to tell him. I had so much to ask. “Okay”, I said.

“Take care”, he added. I stayed silent on the other end. I heard the phone go silent.

He had been alive all the while.All the time while I was having nightmares about his death. And I had to go through all of that. My little joys were adulterated because of this. I did not know what I wanted now. I really needed some answers. If someone knew why the universe was so screwed up to build emotions and then cause pain, this would be the perfect time to tell me. BECAUSE I REALLY NEEDED SOME ANSWERS!