” I was jealous of Alex.”, I said, as we were in an elevator, in a hospital, which was taking us down to the morgue. My voice was shaky. Sam patted my back but did not say a word.

” I was jealous of Alex that he got to marry the love of his life and we cannot even after I tried and you tried, we cannot. I was jealous of Alex that he had Liz and now the baby and they were happy and together. I was at the baby shower yesterday, they were so happy, I was so happy and today…,”,I ran out of breath.

“Alex is thrown out of the wind-shield .What the hell is happening Sam? I really…I can’t… “, I said through my tears.

He stood next to me, listening. His eyes were wet. He did not speak.

“Is there a point? Is there any reason why the universe is so screwed up?Tell me Sam.”, I yelled through my tears.

“Breathe”, he said.

I pushed him away.”I really need some answers, because if you can think of any reason, any reason at all, that why is everything so random and mean, now would be an amazing time to tell me!”, I choked and broke down crying.

“Sshh…I know. I know. I promise you. We’ll be together someday and I’ll make sure of that, one way or another, I promise, Okay? And about Alex, calm down, everyone did the best they could. Its a huge loss for you,I know but more than that, its a huge and irreparable loss for Liz and the unborn baby, so calm down. Alex would want you to be there with Liz and his kid, so you got to pull it together, okay?”, Sam said,holding my shoulders.

I cried and leaned on him. I did not have it me to watch Alex there, at the morgue.

When we were just there,”I can’t. I just can’t”, I choked again.

“okay, listen to me, breathe. Take deep breaths”. He took a paper bag from the counter and held it to my nose,

“Breathe in this”, he said. It was helpful. My heart rate subsided and I could breathe.

“Now, you sit here”,he said, making me sit on a raised platform. “and wait, I’ll be go there and see what needs to be done! Liz will be here and its going to be difficult for her especially during this time and you know you need to take care of her.”, he said, patting my back, helping me breathe.

I nodded. My face was drenched in tears. I did not know how I would confront Liz. I broke down again. Sam had left towards the morgue. I could not imagine the sight of Alex dead. I felt bad for Liz and the baby.