Not every movie commands respect even before it is released. Gulab Gang (GG) is one of them and rightly so, because it has Juhi Chawla and Madhuri Dixit. Both of them were the love/crushes of millions of teenagers who are now earning big bucks and get to veto what movie their family would go. This movie is not about men, politics, Juhi, Madhuri or as a matter of fact the color pink. Its about…umm…after thinking a lot I guess its about a group of public serving gang who are a bit of violent and represent women power.

The movie opens up with an animated starring which comforts you about the choice you just made by spending 300 bucks per person. But that is it, yes, if you are male (any caste and any academic background even engineer), believes in either logical scripts, doesn’t mind watching mindless gory action or utter senseless comedy, if you qualify any one of those then you won’t enjoy the movie. This movie even fails to deliver a single good song note even an item number.

GG starts with Mr. India narrating about Maddy’s sad background and how she became “didi” of the village and formed the gang of independent women. I am a fan of maddy and trusted her with the role of a rebellious female leader yet I was utterly disappointed, it wasn’t her fault, it was the director, the dialogues writer, the makeup man, the songs writer and heck, everybody involved but maddy. Being a feminist I still applauded at senseless scenes and absurd oneliners. but everything has a threshold, mine came with a scene in which Maddy and Juhi talk about how eating sweets stops one from asking questions.

The most horrific work is done by the scene writers and director, as they could not even invent some decent double meaning words with sexual connotations( in these kind of movies it is a must). Juhi plays a villainous politician, and the outcome is a kind of catastrophe caused by nuclear explosion. You can’t expect Bhumika Chawla to play Mogambo( i mean seriously) or Kiran Bedi to play the girl next door…somethings can’t happen in this birth. Juhi is too cute and pretty to play evil, period. Also her voice and her amazing figure don’t fit an evil politician (the probable reason congress won two consequent terms). The director is so bad at his work that whenever Juhi has to show evilness and attitude she bites her lower lip. It appears she is being seductive rather than evil and being unsuccessful at both.

In GG, well all Maddy wants is a school for girls in her village and all Juhi wants is yet to be written. Through GG the director tries to encompass every subject such as corruption, rape, molestation, hereditary politics, diversified journalism, folk dances, level of education and ….oh yes voilence. In short apart from Patriarchy and women suppression everything is covered contrary to what the real gang is fighting against. The error on part of the lead actresses is the lack of homework and seriousness. The lack of seriousness is understandable as the script didn’t deserve it but atleast a bit of accent training was expected. In the whole movie the actresses produce a distasteful mix of awadhi/bhojpuri/khadi and bihari hindi. The fluctuation in the language styles is so prominent and repetetive that it becomes disturbing. It reminds me of my younger brother who whenever meets a bengali or punjabi, then tries to speak hindi in their accent.

Well the whole movie is like a strange story where you move four steps forward thinking the end is near but realize that you are back at square one. In this long movie five unwanted and unwarranted songs are crunched in regular intervals irrespective whether the scene(leave aside the viewer) demands or not. This movie is so boring that one feels if there will be two intervals. Any how this movie ends with a surprise move by Juhi chawla where she fires bullets…uh..have I mentioned unwanted or senseless? This leads to the abrupt and thankful end of the movie.

I will suggest all the ladies that you form gangs/groups and go watch this movie as a “women only day” kind of thing. You will definitely enjoy it, don’t go on my review as it is from a male engineer who is a fan of Matrix series, what else you expect.

Caution: to all the ladies going out, do not, I repeat do not go with your male friends, boyfriends or any male company, because they will spoil it for you by constantly uttering jokes regarding the played scene in your ears trying their best to be funny. This movie gives ample of opportunities.