Disclaimer: This is a product of a sly sarcastic brain. The author is by no means responsible for aggravated feelings. However, you can voice your concerns or seek therapy at 1800-MBA-IDGAF.

Hi ! A loud shout-out to everyone who has been toiling hard for getting into a B-school for the last couple of years.

According to a recent survey, a whopping 16% of you really know why you want to do an MBA, and an astonishing 8% of those are competent enough to manage things.

Meanwhile people applying for an MBA owing to the following reasons have remained at a healthy 82%, up by 2% last year:

1. Good placements & Salaries. (Yes everyone has an ‘average’ package of 15 lpa. It’s true! No kidding! :mg: ) 2. Engineering gone bad. (Read: No placements) 3. Your girlfriend’s father wants a good ‘package’ for her daughter. 4. Just because it’s the way to go after your under-graduation. (Don’t forget you’re in India. Stick to the rules. Otherwise, someone’s gonna get a hurt reaaaal bad. Credits: My friend Russell.”
Okay, enough statistics, enough serious statements. Let’s get to the essence of the article.

I have come across many ‘competent’ managers at PG and the purpose of this article is mainly to acknowledge and share their sheen of brilliance with you guys! These people have made my PG journey very joyful and eventful.

(Names have been changed to protect identity :mg: )

I_Live_for_MBA posted: (In NMIMS-GDPI query): “Hey puys. I am a successful guy with 95 in Xth, 93 in XIIth and 91.44 CGPA in my undergrad. (Virginity intact) I have a score of 244 in NMAT. Will I get calls from main campus and be able to convert CORE?” Yes kid, maybe if you visit the temple thrice a day, you’ll get the call.

DieHardMBA_5.0 posted: (In NMIMS documents forum): “Hi guys. I need to get my documents attested. Who can attest these? I have had 24 years of existence but I’m unaware of who can attest these. Also do I need to attest my SOP?” Yes, please attest your SOP. Obviously it can be faked, like your certificates.

Don’t_know_what_MBA_is_but_I_love_it posted: (In IIM GDPI queries): “Hi lowly creatues. I have secured call from IIM A,B,C,D,E,…Z, except P and R. Don’t know what they want. I got 99.989 percentile still. *dejected and sad*.So I have one very big query. I’m still in my final year and I have also been placed in 3 companies in my college. If the interviewer asks me dat u hv olredy been placed then y did u come for the PI. wat shud b my answer?? plz help.”You can’t. Make sure why you’re doing it in the first place. *facepalm* Also, learn to type in English.

On_Cloud_7_Or_not? posted: (Not kidding you guys, this one is true) “I have a single digit AIR in CMAT. 100%ile in CAT and XAT. I’m very confused whether to give CMAT 2nd test or not for JBIMS. I’m banking on my CAT scores for the call, but very much confused whether to give it or not.” You need to give it bro. There are over 20 people at 101%ile, so definitely you won’t get the call. Meanwhile, faith in humanity, lost.

Just_Gave_CAT posted: “Hey guys I gave my CAT yesterday (evening slot). I attempted 20 in math (with 90% accuracy) And 22 in Verbal (70-75% accuracy) What percentile will I get?”Yes, all puys assume that the other puys are psychics. Also I wonder how everyone’s accuracy is in multiples of 5s. Also how do you guys calculate the accuracy? And if you do calculate your accuracy, it means that you know how many were attempted wrongly. Why the hell did you attempt them in the first place!

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Please don’t facepalm yourself to death. Many more competent managers to come.

UPDATE 1:

Check this one out guys. This literally takes the 1st prize.

This is a screenshot of a student asking a ‘GENUINE’ query to a reputed sir of a coaching class.

Link :

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/t31/q71/s720x720/1501510_226250720893061_1829699992_o.jpg

Cheers !