There is a huge difference in looking for a house as a bachelor and as a couple, the difference is Wife.

As a penniless dude hunting for a house so that your future girlfriend can have some “Rest”, your idea of a house is basically similar to your idea of buying a shirt — One Collar, Two Sleeves, Enough space to cover chest hair and beer belly, cheap. This was how I described my requirement to every property dealer:

Bhaiya, we need a place to keep 5 bean bags :p

As a couple, things get a bit more dramatic. First up, description goes way beyond 140 characters to something like:

Bhaiya, We need a.., Sorry, she needs a house with 2 rooms in a nice locality with no landlord, 100% power back up, North-West facing, Modular Kitchen, Wood work, One dedicated Pink room, No bachelors in the locality, & a thing you may not be aware of commonly known as : Aesthetics.

Usually, Brokers’ face looked more stunned than Ranvijyay in Roadies. It was as if an IT system engineer, after 5 years of Junk work, suddenly been exposed to a real-world system problem.

Much to our surprise, the words from the dealer’s mouth came out in total disregard to his current face expressions. Standing in disbelief, we gazed at his lips moving up and down as if a Delhi Punjabi is found reciting Literature. He went:

“Sir, Aaj mein aapki requirement bilkul samajh gaya”(Today, I clearly understood your requirement), while we continued the same routine everyday. It was like experiencing Ghajini live!

Anyway, we started with an extremely focused market to look for our house. We went,- “Lets find a nice place in South Delhi”; Yup, quite focused!

The number of steps before finalizing a house tend to increase. First of all — I, the husband:the man of the house, will shortlist few properties after judging each property on my wife’s parameters because I, the husband:the man of house, has no parameters of my own.

Let you be aware, Its not an easy endeavor to fulfill as evident from my initial conversation with all property dealers:

ME: Bhaiya, Lets go look at houses that you have listed in your diary/copy after completely ignoring our actual requirements

Dealer: Madam kahan hai??

ME: She will come tomorrow, we will shortlist few properties today!

Dealer: Sir, why are you wasting your time & more importantly, my time?

ME: Your time? Isn’t your whole life a waste?

Dealer: Sir, even if you hate the property, if mam likes it, we can finalize it.Until then, please play your designated role of a good-looking driver

I took the next obvious step of accepting the inevitable loss of my self respect and went ahead about my day as if nothing has been said by the fucking dalal who just took my self respect!

Thereafter, We looked at innumerable houses across locations that by the end, I almost considered a career shift to become a property dealer. I already had the know-how (Which is – a Notebook and a Scooter) & it will be a nice upgrade from my present role (good-looking driver). Even the property dealer started hushing his comments in my ear as we continued rejecting properties. He went, –

“Sir, are you sure you looking for a place to Rent Not buy? Because by now, I have shortlisted 2-3 places for myself!”

I ignored him, and continue to concur with my partner about how our basic requirements are not being fulfilled by house owners across Delhi!

After chucking out places for having unreasonable, unrealistic demands (we accept it now) like Sunlight, Hygiene, Car Parking &themasic; Security, we decided to take the plunge which we have been secretly avoiding : Move To Noida!

Pictures of Goons/Mayawati/Vigneshwara-Developers, immediately inundated our brain cells. We heard sounds of Delhi & Gurgaon going “LOL” & “ROFL” upon our situation as we crossed the Delhi-Noida toll bridge, non-chalantly reciting Hanuman Chalisa.

First thing you notice as you enter Noida is that Delhi is not the worst we have in road rage. Noida has the extra advantage of Bullock carts, Bicycles, Rickshaw Pullers, topped up with driver’s healthy UP upbringing. Its the real clash of the titans. We decided to close our eyes, and open only when dealer goes – “Mam, Ye wala aapki requirement jaise hai” (This house suits your requirement!)

Today, we live in a house which has many “upper class” privileges like Balcony, Sunlight, Car Parking etc. Making small comprises of having 5 hours of power cut everyday & water so hard that it activated premature hair loss, seem like logical trade offs. I mean, You can’t expect to get “all the” basic amenities & few privileges in life so easily in India.

“Acche din aane wale hain?”.

As Babuji from Aankhon Dekhi will put it,- “Honge! Abhi mene dekhe Nahin” (May Be! I have not seen them yet)

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