On typical Tuesday night, as I was cooking Maggi ramen noodles for meself and me mates, I found meself in a problem. As it so happened, my defenceless “Maggi Noodle Cake” was attacked by a swarm of ants. For procuring another pack of “Maggi Noodle Cake”, I would have had to travel halfway around globe where the grocery stores would still have been open (those who still think this was worth a try, are welcome to try it for themselves).

With nothing else in the house to cook I was faced with challenging task of getting rid of the ants from the noodle cake without preferably hurting any ant in the process, so to speak (altruism isn’t my forte and I didn’t want to sleep with an empty belly).

While mulling over my problem, I unintentionally summoned the ancient philosopher Chanakya to my aid. After appearing, he was disoriented in the beginning but soon adjusted to present conditions. He was sympathetic of my situation and devised a four-step plan for me to follow,

1. SAAM: To make the noodle cake lukewarm and make the ants understand that they were not welcome here.

2. DAAM: Lure the ants with sugar cubes to relinquish their stronghold of cake.

3. DAND: To submerge the cake in water and force out the remaining ants that didn’t want to leave.

4. BHED: “If they don’t care, so shouldn’t you, if you know what I mean. At the end of the day they are just a source of protein. If you don’t believe me ask Bear Grylls.”

With this he left me while urging me to carry out his plan ASAP and satiate my hunger.

Being inspired as well as terrified at the same time (I don’t know if there is a word for that), I started executing “the plan”. To my surprise it started working. 70% of ants left the cake after the “SAAM” phase. The “DAAM” phase wasn’t as effective as the first phase but still managed to seduce an ant or two. The “DAND” phase was a huge success; in an already terrified ant colony all it took was a little push to get them all out. At the end of the “DAND” phase, all but one or two had been dislodged from their stronghold, and my belly was now aching for food. As Chanakya had predicted/suggested, in the “BHED” phase, I didn’t care about those unfortunate ants still inside cake and set out to prepare the noodles.

After “2 minutes” (actually it took more than 10), Maggi was served. I was feeling content while devouring my share, noticing the absence of any ants in noodles. I felt that I had achieved what I had set out to do in the first place (with help of Chanakya of course).

It was only after I was full that my thoughts were drawn back and I realised the full implication of what I had done. My situation had been similar to those faced by contemporary industrialists who want unhindered access to raw material (maggi cake) without hurting the citizens/tribals (ants) who stand in their way. They apply these same methods: “SAAM” by hyping up the upside of industrialisation/progress, “DAAM” using the lure of the money in their Swiss bank accounts, “DAND” indirectly through the political route and “BHED” as in the Shanmugam Manjunath type cases.

I still haven’t figured out whether my actions were justified or at least debatable. So I ask for your opinion, What would you have done if you were in my position?

Associated Article