Hello there! It is that time of the year when various business schools around the country release their final results. Some candidates successfully get into their dream schools, while others are either wait-listed or rejected. Whatever the candidate’s application status, a lot of them have been recently found wondering about the credibility of the whole admission process. In fact, in my case, i am more inclined towards doubting the procedure “especially” if i have been selected.

With a lot of business schools introducing admission procedures as simple as Einstein’s theory of relativity, it has become very difficult for candidates to answer incessant phone calls from relatives. With that in mind, i bring to you, after my awesome 120-seconds research, the 8 logical steps experts in the admissions committees seem to follow in order to choose souls they think are capable enough of going through their rigorous programs:

Step 1: If someone understands 15% of the exquisite admission criteria, immediate admission is offered.

Step 2: An undercover team is hired to go check if the school actually appears in a candidate’s dreams while he is asleep.

Step 3: Applications of female candidates are thoroughly scrutinized by the dean’s wife. If she finds someone’s picture more attractive than herself, immediate rejection is recommended.

Step 4: A candidate, along with his five friends, is offered admission if his last name is same as that of anyone in the admissions committee.

Step 5: The dean of admissions places a personal red lipstick kiss on each admission letter before sending it over to candidates.

Step 6: The wait-list numbers are very carefully awarded through a highly sophisticated mechanism called ‘normalrandomawesomisation’.

Step 7: Higher rank is awarded if the birth date of a candidate matches with that of anyone in the admissions committee.

Step 8: Hidden cameras and mikes are planted to record candidates’ conversations during the interview process. Candidates found using words like ‘placements’ are disqualified covertly.

(Source: Interview with dean of Institute of Manmarzi Tarike, Ghotalabad.)