An Anecdote From my Life

Jobs & Careers
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Acknowledgements: I like to thank everyone who read my previous articles. I feel encouraged to write more now :) What I wrote today is something related to me. My Friend Pushpak1987, I am working on a sad story as well and will come out with the same soon

Prologue: Well, this is not a story, it's just an unexpected meeting between two friends (or two persons rather) who had met after 2 years. in this article I've used the same characters i.e. Vibhu, Rashi, Vishal of I Love YOU TOO! and here I show about how Vibhu and Rashi met for the first time in Mumbai. Here it goes -

It was Monday today. I had my appointment with Vishal's friend's company, R.N. Enterprise. The company was located in Worli as well, just a few meters away from Vishal's office. In lunch when Vishal came home, he dropped me to the company as it was in the way back to his office.

R.N. Enterprise was on the third floor of a multi-storied commercial market where various business houses had their offices or franchises. I entered R.N. Enterprise. It was a small office just having a few cabins, a small reception area, a female receptionist and a few chairs around.

“Hi. I've an appointment,” I approached the girl on the reception. I did not know whom I had my appointment with.

“Your good name, sir,” she asked.

“Vibhu Saxena,” I said as she started searching my name in her database.

“Sir, you have an appointment with Mr. Kumar,” she replied, “Please have a seat. I just send you in.”

“Fine,” I said finding a place to sit.

After a few minutes, she said, “Sir, please go into Mr. Kumar's cabin, on your left.”

“Alright,” I said moving towards the cabin.

"Naresh Kumar, Managing Director,” read the board on the door of the cabin I was going to enter.

I entered the cabin. A man in his late forties wearing a corporate suit offered me to sit.

“Good Afternoon Sir,” I greeted him as I sat.

“Vishal was saying you are a model,” he said.

“Yes,” I said, “Though I've not done much of the modeling.”

He smiled.

“Vishal is really a good boy,” he said I wondered how he knew Vishal.

“Yes Sir.”

“He is friends with my daughter, Rashi.”

I nodded. Ohh so he is the father of Vishal's friend.

“Ohh I forgot,” he rang the bell to call a peon in, “What would you like to have?”

“No. Thanks sir. I've just had lunch.”

“Two Ice-teas,” he still placed an order.

After the peon left, he said, “Can I see your portfolio.”

“Sure sir,” I took it out of my bag and handed to him.

Click here to read part-2

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He started flipping through pages. Having analyzed it for a little period he said, “For me your port is okay but Rashi finalizes the model. So only she will tell you if you are finalized.”

“Okay. Umm……so am I supposed to wait for her or…” I said

“Wait. I talk to her,” He dialed her number. While he was on the phone, I had a close look of different catalogues kept in a showcase to analyze the male models in them.

“Vibhu,” He called me.

“Yes sir,” I turned back moving towards him.

“Rashi wants to talk to you,” he handed me the cell phone. I hesitated but had to take the call.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hi, it's Rashi,” said a beautiful voice from the other end.

“Hi ma'am, how are you?”

“Ma'am?.....don't be formal, Vibhu,” She seemed pretty energetic while I was kind of nervous.

“Okay Rashi. How are you?” I said trying to put the same energy she had.

“Now that sounds good! I am fine” she paused, “Vibhu, the thing is I can't come to office today to finalize you.”

“So tell me when we can meet next, then.”

“I am too busy these days. No idea about when I can meet you,” she paused, “Hey, can you do one thing?”

“What?”

“Come to Shivaji Park. It's just 20 minutes ride from our office. I will meet you there.”

“Okay. I am coming. Where exactly will you meet?” I asked.

“Call me once you reach the Bus-stop. I'll come there.”

“Fine.”

“See you then,” She said hanging up the phone.

I gave the cell phone back to Mr. Kumar.

“She wants to meet me at Shivaji Park,” I told this to him being fully aware that he knew it as he was already listening the conversation I was having with her daughter.

“Your chances are very bright,” he said standing from his chair.

“As in,” I asked as I could not get what he meant.

“She generally keeps delaying meeting with models otherwise,” He came near me, “All the best young man.”

“Thanks sir. So shall I leave?” I said putting my port into my bag.

“Yes. Sure,” He said as I came out of his office.

Reaching on the road, I caught the bus to Shivaji Park. I asked my fellow passenger to let me know when Shivaji Park came, as I didn't have much idea about places in Mumbai.

“Next stop is yours,” he alerted me just a stop before my stop.

“Thanks. I will get off,” I said. In a minute, my stop came. I got off the bus and stood at one side of the road.

I dialed her number.

“You reached,” she picked up the call.

“Yes.”

Click here to read part-3

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“Okay. Now have a walk to ICICI Bank. I am there.”

“Please hold for a second,” I said while confirming ICICI's direction from a pedestrian on the road. He suggested me to go straight and take the second left turn afterwards.

“Are you there,” She asked after a short while.

“Yeah. I am walking. Call you once I reach there.”

“No No No…..Keep the call on. You will be reaching in a minute or two,” She instructed. Maybe she knew it perfectly to utilize a free incoming call.

“Okay,” I said while continuing to walk. I kept the phone stuck to my ear thinking she might have to say something before I reach ICICI Bank. In less than 2 minutes, I reached ICICI.

“I am here,” I spoke into the phone. There was no response from her side. Then I learnt the call had ended. She might have hung up.

I dialed her number again but it went busy. I decided to wait for her to call me back. Meanwhile, I saw two girls walking down the stairs of the bank. I guessed one of them to be Rashi. I was looking at them. They came and went past me. My guess went wrong. Then again, I saw two girls descending bank's stairs. No guessing this time, I told to myself avoiding looking at them.

“Vibhu,” Somebody patted on my shoulder from behind. I turned back only realizing I should have guessed on the second time.

“Rashi,” I said looking at her. She wore a big pair of sunglasses.

“Yeah. She is my friend, Sara,” She introduced the other girl with her.

“Hi,” I said, not taking too interest in her as I was observing Rashi. I mean it seemed I had definitely seen her somewhere.

“Let's go. I tell you our plan in the car,” Rashi said walking towards her white i10. She took the driving position while Sara took the backseat. I asked her to sit with Rashi but she said she was fine. I sat with Rashi. She drove off the car.

“You are in no hurry, aren't you?” She asked me after a while.

“Umm….no,” I said wondering how much time I was going to spend with them.

“Good. Actually I've to get some servicing done in the car,” She told.

“Sure,” I said still trying to find out where I had seen her. She had open hair, fair color but her sunglasses were covering almost half of her face, giving me tough time to identify her.

In a few minutes, the car parked at Hyundai's service station. The mechanic told it would take around 30 minutes to do what he wanted. We all sat in the office.

“Can I see your portfolio?” Rashi demanded.

“Here,” Sara surprisingly asked to Rashi.

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“Why not? Isn't it okay, Vibhu?” Rashi saw towards me.

“It is fine,” I took it out of my bag, handing over to her.

Finally, she removed her sunglasses to look my portfolio, doubling my curiosity to know her. It was definitely confirmed either I'd seen her or I'd seen some other girl who exactly resembled her.

“You are doing a good job,” She said having seen some of my pictures.

I spoke nothing, as I was shocked on several things. YES, I had recognized who this Rashi was. She was the same Rashi Jhaa from my college who had to quit MBA in first semester. I was shocked why she was being unknown to me. Didn't she recognize me? I wasn't changed physically in these two years. She, however, seemed changed physically as well as mentally. Moreover, Vishal did not tell me anything about her either. She did have a far different get up from what she used to have in MBA two years back. And that's the reason why it took me a lot of time to recognize her. But she didn't recognize me, I had even organized her farewell party. How could she forget me?

“It's nice,” Rashi gave my port back to me. I pretended not to recognize her. I wanted her to herself reveal it, if she had any plan to reveal it. Sara confirmed from an office person about how much more time was to be taken for car's servicing. He told another 10 minutes. I came out of the office to dial Vishal's number.

“Hello,” he picked the call.

“Hmm. I am with Rashi.”

“So you are finalized!” he asked.

“That's not important Vishal. Why didn't you tell me that Rashi is the same girl we knew from the time we were in Greater Noida. From two years,” I kind of raised my voice.

“You knew her? Why are you joking Vibhu?” he laughed. I was not getting what was happening.

“Am I joking or you?” I said

“I call you later,” he hung up the call without answering me. The conversation with Vishal made me even more perplexed. Something was fishy here.

I entered the office again, finding the mechanic handing the keys to Rashi. The car was ready to check out.

We sat in the car again. I was not feeling comfortable sitting with Rashi now. What was making her behave as if we met for the first time? I was just waiting for her to declare if I was finalized or not, so that knowing it I could excuse myself from them.

“Vibhu,” Rashi patted on my right shoulder as I was looking out of the car's window, “You are coming with us. Don't say no.”

“Where?” I really had no idea where we were right now and where she wanted me to.

Click here for Part-5

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“To celebrate. We have two reasons to celebrate! ” Rashi said while Sara gave a little smile. They might have had 100 reasons to celebrate but I'd only 1 reason to not enjoy with them – her being stranger to me.

“Sorry. I'd like to leave soon,” I said instead.

“C'mon Vibhu, It's my birthday today,” Sara said innocently coming closer to us through the space between Rashi's and my seat.

“Ohh…Happy Birthday Sara!” I shook hands with her. I learnt how difficult it was to shake given the sitting position we had.

“And you are finalized is the second reason. Still you want to leave,” Rashi looked to me with no expression in her eyes. Even though those unexpressed eyes had countless expressions.

“I'll join you,” I wanted to deny but couldn't.

“Great,” Sara screamed, “Now what's the program, Rashi?”

Rashi checked the time from her wristwatch. The watch was beautiful as was the wrist. Rashi in these two years had become too changed. Unwittingly, I was getting attracted towards her.

“It's only 9 now,” Rashi said, “So…..”

“So can we go to my place and change into new clothes,” Sara cut Rashi's sentence in middle. I only wished Rashi to disagree with her. I would have to wait until their girlish things get over, if Sara's option was accepted.

“No,” Rashi said looking towards me. She might have understood this whole procedure would bore me.

“C'mon yaar. My clothes have become too dusty.” Sara showed her disappointment.

“Don't be sad, Sara,” Rashi said stopping the car, “I have a solution for your dusty clothes!”

“What,” Sara asked.

Rashi pointed out something through the window. It was a big Mall outside, High Street Phoenix. She started the car again driving it to Mall's parking. We came out of the car, walking to the Mall's entry. While walking together, I closely observed Sara's clothes to know how dusty they really were. They seemed too neat & clean to me. Or maybe being a boy, my eyes couldn't find dust in the clothes. We entered the Mall.

“On your Birthday, let me gift you a new dress,” Rashi said as Sara instantly hugged her, saying, “You are my sweetheart!”

Some of the people in the Mall saw them smiling. Soon we entered Lifestyle. Sara excitingly started finding things throughout the place. She went a little far from us in order to find a good outfit. Her hands were busy in flipping through the outfits hung/kept in the different stands/shelves.

“So how do you find Mumbai,” Rashi broke the silence I had maintained.

“So far it's good,” I said as Sara called Rashi for helping her to buy.

“She can't choose it alone,” Rashi mumbled while reaching to Sara.

Click here for Part-6

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Sara had some 7-8 outfits in her hand that she was showing one by one to Rashi. A dress was selected by Rashi, with that Sara went into trial room.

“She is just mad about clothes,” Rashi said having come back beside me.

I smiled.

Sara came out of the trial room, wearing a V-neck pink color Bodycon dress. From her place, she made some hands movements that signified 'How am I looking?' Rashi, in response, made appreciating gestures. She kept wearing the new outfit while the old one was packed into the shopping bag.

We came out of the shop, reaching to last floor – The food court.

“You like Chinese, no?” Rashi asked to me as we entered a Chinese Restaurant

“Yes. That's fine,”

We occupied an unreserved table for us. Rashi and Sara sat together while I sat opposite them. In a few seconds, a waiter came serving us three glasses of water.

“May I have your order, please,” he said

“Yes. Three Chinese platters,” Rashi ordered while looking at me asking by her gesture – 'if it is okay to order this.' I too replied her with my gestures – 'it's perfectly alright.'

“Vibhu, you didn't tell me how I am looking in this new dress?” asked Sara after a few minutes. Rashi and I saw each other smiling.

“You were looking better in your previous dress,” I said just to tease her.

“Really?” she surprisingly asked looking towards Rashi.

Rashi also nodded teasing her further.

“Are you guys serious?” she reconfirmed.

“Yes….And you are looking much better in this dress.” I said smiling which also brought her to smile.

“Thanks,” she said. “I thought you are too serious-type person otherwise.”

“Yeah, that was a smart answer, Vibhu,” Rashi said this time.

I just smiled some more to this. I couldn't say YES to my praise.

Meanwhile the waiter returned with our Chinese platters that contained noodles, Manchurian, and Fried-rice. I chose to eat noodles first but I didn't know how to eat them with chopsticks, so I kept the chopsticks aside and picked a fork for me. Rashi and Sara were easily eating with chopsticks. When Rashi noticed me using fork, she left her chopsticks and picked a fork for herself, too.

“I don't understand why there is a need to use chopsticks,” she murmured.

I liked it. She understood I couldn't use the chopsticks hence she left using them too. I felt an urge to ask her if she really didn't recognize me but something in me stopped to do so. At times, while eating dinner, our eyes matched. It felt differently soothing. Every time I saw her, she just smiled in the minimum possible way, giving me the maximum possible happiness. I was surprised on myself as to why my liking towards her was developing.

Click here for Part-7

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We quickly finished the dinner and reached at the parking area.

“How did you feel spending time with us?” Sara asked as we sat in the car.

“I really enjoyed it,” I said as Rashi drove out the car.

“So get ready to enjoy more. We are going to the disc,” Sara announced. They are not done yet. It was 11:30 p.m. by my watch.

“It's getting late. You people enjoy in the disc,” I said. “Rashi, please drop me near Tolani College”

“It's Mumbai, Vibhu. It's never late here,” Sara was improving my G.K. “And you are safe. None of us is going to rape you.”

She started laughing badly. Rashi too smiled.

“Sara, I will always be safe, even if you do stuff with me,” I said trapping her with her own statement.

Seeing Sara had nothing to reply to protest herself after what I asked, Rashi started laughing. Sara laughed too.

“You are coming with us, na?” Rashi asked after a few seconds.

“Hmm….” I nodded. I had really started liking Rashi's company. She seemed sweeter than what she seemed two years back. Everything about our meeting was amazing except the part – she didn't recognize me.

Meanwhile I informed Vishal on phone that I was going to the disc and would come after 2-3 hours.

Rashi decided to choose a nearby discotheque; hence, we entered Rock Bottom at Nair Road, Juhu. The youngsters in the disc were tapping their feet on the latest dancing songs. It was also a 'Non-weekend' night and hence there was lesser crowd.

We found ourselves a place to sit. Again, Rashi and Sara sat together whereas I sat opposite them. Our sitting arrangement was no different from how we sat in the Chinese Restaurant but in this little period of time, a little difference born- there I was happy to sit where I did, here I wanted to sit with Rashi. While they were chatting between themselves, I looked at Rashi. She looked innocent. How could she not remember me? I kept looking towards her for a while until she frowned noticing me

I shook my head.

Meanwhile Sara went to bring something for us. After a while, she returned with three glasses of some drinks.

“I suppose it doesn't contain alcohol,” I confirmed it from Sara as I took a glass of drink.

“Of course, it does! Why will we drink non-alcoholic drink? Are we kids?” Sara replied as she took the first sip. I kept my glass down.

“She is joking, Vibhu. It's 100% non-alcoholic,” Rashi assured.

I held my glass again to drink. It wasn't an alcoholic drink. The DJ at the place must have been playing the top most dancing numbers as I could see many people dancing on the floor.

Click Here for Part-8

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“Let's go dancing,” after quickly finishing her drink, Sara stood up. She held Rashi's and my hands in order to make us stand and go with her to dancing floor.

“But firstly let us finish our drinks, no?” Rashi replied.

“So I am going. You finish it soon and join me there,” Sara said while moving to dancing floor.

“Hmm…,” Rashi agreed with it.

I am really bad at dance. Neither do I have my willingness nor do I have my ability, when it comes to dancing. I just wished Rashi didn't ask me to dance. Though I was pretty sure she would take me to the dance floor.

“Let's go, Vibhu,” she finally demanded it as we both finished our respective drinks.

“Rashi, you go please. I don't dance,” I said hoping she might not force me to come with her.

“Even I don't know much of it. Come,” she held my hand. She forced me, it felt bad. But she forced me holding my hand, it felt good!

I hesitatingly stood up and we started moving to the dance floor. Seeing us coming, Sara quickly approached to us, dragging us to the floor.

Both the girl started dancing. I too started dancing. However, I must have been doing only 10% of what Rashi and Sara were dancing. Every time the song changed, people became more energetic. Rashi said she didn't know much of dance but out of every dancer who was at the floor, she was the best dancer. Three of us were dancing together yet, at times, I would stop dancing to see Rashi dance, and then she would make me resume my dance by holding my hand and raising it. She had really stunned me today, from her behavior to her dance.

After some more minutes to dancing, we came out at parking lot.

“You are really a good dancer, Rashi,” I complimented her as we sat in the car.

“Thank you!” she replied starting the car.

“But you don't know much of dancing, right?” I reminded her what she said just before dancing.

She smiled as she drove out of the parking area.

“We really had fun together!” Sara said after a while.

“Hmm…” Rashi said. “But it made Vibhu disturb from his schedule.”

“That's fine,” I answered. “I too had a wonderful time with you!”

“Thanks!” Rashi said as if she just whispered.

The sound of her whisper remained in my ears for a while. Rashi wasn't driving too fast as Andheri from here was just 6 kilometers away. I looked at her, so did she. We shared a smile. Meeting Rashi after long time seemed as if I had found a friend who was lost long back.

In a short while, we reached my destination – Shraddha society.

Click here for the Last Part

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I got off the car. I saw at the rear seat, Sara had already slept. Rashi too came out.

“So shall we sign the contract tomorrow?” Rashi asked. I had forgotten that I was a model and had met Rashi for this purpose.

“Sure,” I replied.

“Ok. So see you then,” she said getting ready to sit in the car again.

“Hmm,”

She drove off the car without waving/saying bye to me. I felt too awkward about Rashi's behavior. Sometimes she treated me too gently and now she didn't even bother to say good bye to me. She might not have recognized me. Agreed. But we say bye to random people as well.

I started moving to my flat on sixth floor. I checked the time. 1:30 a.m. Vishal had locked the door from inside. I had a duplicate key that allowed me not to disturb him from sleep. I entered the house. The T.V. was on. Vishal had slept while watching it. I put off my clothes & shoes, and changed into my nightwear. As I came on the bed for sleeping, I found that my mobile that was kept on side stool vibrated. The screen displayed Rashi's SMS.

“Nice meeting you, Vibhu. Especially after two years! :)”

The last sentence took my breaths off. She had recognized me. Why didn't she reveal it then? I texted her back –

“Why didn't you tell me you recognized me?”

I waited for her reply. I didn't have any idea what she was going to answer.

“Well, same question to you?”

She was very smart. She didn't answer what I asked but she cross-questioned.

“But I got it when you put off your sunglasses.Your look is changed, mine is not.”

On this she replied -

“I guess, this is how you like me talking to you… isn't it how we used to talk in MBA.”

She was right. I had not realized that during our days in MBA, I tried to ignore her to the maximum. I never gave a damn to what she said to me. I felt too embarrassed.

“I am sorry,” I sent the SMS.

“Sorry for?” came her reply.

“I am sorry for I always ignored you.

I am sorry for I made you feel uncomfortable in talking to me.

I am sorry for everything that still makes you hesitated while opening up with me”

“Sorry won't do. You should be punished,” she replied after a while.

“I am ready for any punishment.”

“So your punishment is – be my friend and never ignore me”

“My pleasure being friends with you. And I won't dare to ignore you.”

“ :) ”

“ :) :) ”

“Chalo, it's getting late.

See you tomorrow.

Bye Bye.Goodnight.”

“Getting late in Mumbai?

:) :) Bye Bye. Goodnight.”

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Fear is a lie!!!! Fear is purely there to paralyze us. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself and all we can do is to turn these fears into possibilities. Stage fright is an anxiety, fear, or persistent phobia which may be aroused in an individual by the requirement to perform in front of an audience and a lot of people suffer from this. This is not a disease seen in one in million but most of us suffer from it. Even I had stage fright. I've always had stage fright, and not just a little bit, it's a big bit. Actually it didn't really matter until I joined college. That's when I started to have presentations, public speaking and met this ugly Mr. competition. I wasn't a dumb kid though, I think out of box, come up with great idea and my friends appreciate me for that, I generate good ideas and inputs when I listen to people talk, but just thinking isn't enough. I had all these stories and ideas, and I wanted to share them with people, but physiologically, I couldn't do it. I had this irrational fear.

On my 3rd day of college I took a vow to stand up to this fear and face it, man to man. There was this professor, funny guy he was, he called me to speak on a topic. Well that was my chance and I gathered my confidence and went up on the classroom stage to speak and I started smiling. Smiling helps the speaker to connect with the audience but there is a twist here, I just couldn't stop smiling. Well come on there was 40 students sitting in front of me. And they all looked angry, I didn't know all then. But still I decided to speak on the topic.

I still don't remember what I blabbered on that day and why all of them broke into laughter, but I never stopped talking, I continued my speech. I was quiet embarrassed on that incident. I made a fool out of myself. What would they think about me, what would the girls think about me? I was thinking too much.

I went back to hostel and this one girl, she recognized me from the class, from my speech. She said, it was fun listening to me talking there and it was different. That's when I had an epiphany. And I remember it really well, because I don't have a lot of epiphanies. All I had to do was just connect to the audience. Speak out. All I had to do was say something that exploits my nervousness and I spoke things that actually grabbed eyes from the audience, and it obviously requires a lot of practice and research. I studied fear and found a cure instead of cribbing about it. I still suffer from stage fright but I choose to fight and I win all the time.

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At the onset I shall tell you, this is a rant, but a meaningful one. I am your run of the mill underachiever, trudging along just by skill and minimal effort. When my friends joined a coaching institute, I trudged along, didn't find it to my liking. Did research for the first time in my life. :P . Joined another. I always enjoyed my IIT prep days ( NOT an IITian) and CAT let me know that this will be another chance to glory. I ran full steam, with a fair share of diversion, but kept the ship steady mostly. D-day came and went , just like many others. ( I have a very 'take it lite' attitude). Result day came, I felt bad, not because it was not good, but because it was not satisfactory. I shouldn't be sad. I am 20. I have a life to look forward to. It is not my loss that I am not called, because you don't judge a good manager by his school scores or his gender or whether he is an intergalactic space ranger or not. ( maybe that would not cut it too). But one thing I want to say is, CAT is not something to be revered. My sole aim in life for any given time shouldn't be to crack an exam, it should be to enjoy life. I am pretty sure that given my aptitude( I am proud of it), I shall do something great not good in life. CAT gave me another reason.

Bottom line - It is not my loss, it is theirs. I rather feel lucky to not join the rat race to bell the CAT and there on. My desire is to be a good manager not to study in a college. I measure happiness in moments not in bank balance. I am not idealistic , I am just your friendly neighbourhood prick. I am smart and I know it. A system with a random algorithm doesn't judge you or me. If you feel good you are.

P.S - I never quit. I haven't quit my quest to success because IIMs are a means to achieving success, not success itself.

P.P.S - Keep calm and carry on. :D

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A road it is , dark and quiet

Wind brisk and the scintillating sky

Alluring darkness with a silent melody

Trudging am I and this enchanting night..

Is young, with a glass of wine

offered me, a sip of intoxication, a gulp of mirth

Couldn't resist the enticement amid camouflaged dearth..

Far away those lanterns, pale n dim

A flickering glow and the cold and mist

Occasional howling and whispering trees

My footsteps random, but without twist

I see the darkness in the world of light

Mystical aura within the darkness of night

A daydream delusion, oh the delusion angel

I have no idea where I come from

I have no idea where I am going

Carry me to the shore of life where truth resides..

Quench my thirst of knowing myself and the world as mine

Under these stars, absorb me as your own..

Let my life rhyme to the beats of oneness for a while..

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Quite strange how a 2 digit number can impart wisdom on a person suddenly. When I turned 25 last month it felt different. It hit me so badly that it changed me totally. My perception towards life changed. I had a dream to get into a good MBA college like any other graduate who is done working at an MNC and I was one of them. I saw that dream getting crushed on 14th Jan 2013. My cat result was out and I had nowhere(except a job I realized now how imp it is to me) to go but I felt a little relaxed after seeing my percentile as I dint think I even deserved to score that much. And it din't take a toll on me and I was surprised width this. Why why had it happened that m so calm. 1 year older than 2013 would do wonders in my thinking who might have thought that..A girl who used to take tension of every small thing irrespective of the nature of problem whether it was getting into a good college after 12th or bf prob or scoring good at college or getting a job after college and after getting into a job worrying bot PG and then when I realized its time to drift my mind from career to my personal life I started taking tension of marriage(will I ever get a good guy?).Turning 25 made me realize how life will going to change after 2 years when my real struggle would start when i will marry and have kids. Turning 25 forced me find happiness in small things in life. I enjoyed the weather the music and all the things around me I never thought would have mattered. Suddenly I realized getting paranoid for everything would waste next 2 years of my single hood. I wasted precious 6 years of my life not anymore.. I live everyday now as it comes. Just a message through this article is that keep praying, work towards your goal and just don't stop enjoying. And with a cosmopolitan in my hand I welcome 25th year of my life..:)

243

I want to draw u, with deep black lead,

In thin lines and light shades.

I want to draw u towards me, this side;

I want to draw u... black n white.

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With the dimple I will start

Smile will adorn the grace,

the happy flushed face, will slowly take the shape

with sharp curved eyebrows;

and sweet shiny eyes exposed.

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the tranquil movement of black,

will create a straight line;

the shadow on the cheek will lastly decide,

the beauty of the bridge;

the level of the pride.

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then a beginning of romance,

will arise, will evoke

the danger of a fall;

tracing the precious lips like carvings of Kohinoor,

radiating reds will hypnotize

those crazy mad rebellious eyes.

----------------------------------------------------------------

For your pretty darkness I will sharpen my tool,

I will exhaust my self;

Color them so black the night will be its shadow.

Falling free like a joyful fountain;

soft like feathers and dark as ice.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I want to draw u, with deep black lead,

In thin lines and light shades

I want to draw u towards me, this side

I want to draw u in black n white.

244

It was 2010 and I was about to board a train to Calicut. My train was late by an hour courtesy to Indian Railways and Lalu Ji. Waiting rooms were full and so were the cemented chairs on the platform so I decided to spread half of my newspaper beside a hawker and sat on it. I was going through the gossip column when I heard a squeamish voice saying "Bhaiya, ek water bottle." I looked towards the voice.

She stood there waiting while I wholeheartedly wished we shared the same train. At last the train arrived and she began lifting her bags. It certainly felt as my lucky day. I followed her till B2 where she appeared to be waiting for someone anxiously. A boy came running with chips packets and they both entered B2. I looked at my seat number and walked towards it.

Some 'hippy' Uncle was sitting in my seat - I asked him to vacate and took the seat. A few minutes later the same guy came up to me asked if the seat opposite to me was vacant. Next thing I knew, she was sitting in front of me with a thick book in her hands. She read a book till 9 PM and then slept. At 12 AM sharp she received a call and shouted "Happy Valentines Day" with joy. That was it, I felt as if someone with bad sense of humour was playing tricks with me. For about an hour she talked about chocolates and flowers but then something unexpected happened. She said "Bhaiya, now you can talk to my babhi". At first I smiled and then laughed out silently.

Things were quiet after that and I slept. I woke up next morning only to find her studying again with a sandwich in her hand. This made me feel hungry but I chose to stay wrapped inside my blanket for her to take a break from reading but she didn't. Frustrated I was and decided to break the ice between us by asking about her book. It worked, her answer was long and detailed. We went on to discuss Indian politics, philosophy and finally love. I was so engrossed in her thoughts and smile that when she asked me for a cup of coffee, I said yes knowing well I hate hot beverages.

Time flew by and it was time for her to alight. I offered help and walked with her to the platform. An awkward silence followed till the train whistled and I somehow conjured enough strength to say "Happy Valentines Day." She smiled and blushed while I stood at the gate till everything disappeared. I returned to my seat as I was feeling hungry; I looked up for my water bottle. What I found instead quenched my thirst instantly. There was a page from her notebook saying"Happy Valentines day , Neha."

245

A bright Sunday, I was having sumptuous lunch with some of my friends . I got a call from my ex hey I am on airport; I will reach around 7 pm.

Me: ok see ya at 7 den buhhbyee. Call disconnected.

--Phone ringing again.

Me: ya temme She: I got fixed.

Me: silence …

It was a year back the incident happened but I am still alive.

As I look back today, I feel life turned out beautifully after her. It wasn't easy I admit but it was not a formidable task to stay single.

It still gives me jitters whenever I think of this moment and many a times I have pondered over this topic over and over, again and again with a state of oblivion.

What went wrong? Why she didn't call me, even if she had the idea of getting engaged? Why didn't she call me before her engagement? Why on earth she is calling after getting fixed?

Though I am still dubious about the answers to all these questions but they told me to “Let it go”

For past one year I have met a lot of people, made new friends. I went alone to Goa , I ate alone, I went for a movie alone , went on trekking etc. . Not that I want to be a no-man's island but it was a fight from within. To deal with a problem of such magnitude you have to touch the deeper instincts of yourself.

On the contrary, I admit at one point I just wanted to run away from this place, I wanted to avoid all the people who knew about our relationship, I wanted to tell her what she is going to miss for lifetime, I wanted to leave my job , go back to my natives , settle with my parents . Alas, I choose to stay back and fight. I conquered my worst fears and trust me on this: there is only one person who is responsible for your happiness and that is “You”.

Now I usually stay away from hot waters and prefer friendship over relationship. I started focusing on my career and started doing things I like. I came a lot closer to my family in past one year and I am happy about it As I entered into 2014, I had only aim in mind “This year I am not going to grant anyone the privilege to come and hurt me. In simple words, I vouched to stay single.” There is an inexplicable and inordinate joy within me for accomplishing this. I have learnt to let go of the grudges and be a happy man

P.S. Readers' wondering where is she now? The story is fictional and manipulated.

246

We learn this quote in our school books. But, one night has changed my idea about this quote of George Bernard Shaw as well as money. A couple of years ago, I had to go to Delhi from my hometown Lucknow to attend a workshop on Civil Engineering. I booked my tickets online, packed my luggage and rushed to the station on bike. I parked my bike and caught the train in time. The train leaved the station and a few vendors came in my coach to sell tea, coffee, snacks etc.

That was the month of December and mercury plummeted to around 8-10 degree Celsius. I decided to take a cup of coffee. I took the coffee-cup from the vendor and searched for my wallet in the pocket of my jacket but found nothing. I thought that perhaps I kept it in my bag so I searched it as well but the result was the same. Then, I remembered that I kept my wallet in the drawer of my table at home and forgot to take it in hurry.

The vendor was now irritated and staring at me like he found the most sluggish man on earth. I was frost not because of winter but because of my own imbecility. The vendor said to me, "Hurry up SaabJi! I have to go to other coaches." Suddenly, I became the matter of interest of my fellow passengers. I felt that their eyes were piercing my dignity and honour.

I kept on searching the pockets of my clothes like a patient suffering from asthma was searching for inhaler. By God's grace, I found a ten rupee note in the pocket of my jeans. I can not express what I was feeling at that moment. It was like a drowning man got a lifebuoy by chance or a poor man won a lucky-draw or something. I wanted to kiss that ten rupee note but I controlled my emotions and gave it to the vendor. Finally, I got rid of the most embarrassing moments of my life. A ten rupee note saved me from utter humiliation.

Next thought was, how I will bear the expenses of my journey because after a lot of searches I found 187 rupees in all. Is that sufficient to travel from Lucknow to Delhi? How I could be that stupid? I thought to leave the train on next station and go back to my home. But, my inner conscience advised me to fight rather than flight from the situation. I did not make a call to my parents or relatives in Delhi for help. I realized the importance of money for the first time because I was a squanderer since my school days. I deleted the word EXTRAVAGANCE from my life.

Workshop was over and I was sitting on a bench of Delhi platform waiting for my train. I was extremely happy because I was returning home with an experience which changed me for life time.

247

Walking under the grisly skyscrapers of hardship

and surrounded by the edifice of blue devils

were my melancholic emotions


Somewhere forlorn and defeat were at their own high cost,

where i was restricted as maudlin persons already paid the bribe for it

because being a middle-class person with the deficit of grief

i was kept waiting for,

the harsh latitude that i was provided with

was of second rate where i was not interested to live in


The meadow of thorns and the sculptures of pain

where the flower of happiness got withered by the winds of dolor

this is one of the rare wonder which i had never seen


The silhouette of my callous soul

and the solidly coloured inside with black and white

i am just a marionette wrapped under one clothe

having one or two colour of life on my dress

and the threads of kismet and luck are under control of fortune

i am not supposed to do what i want

i was seized under the hands of misfortune

Do you think i am still alive.........

250

Another errand for an MBA college right after the CAT results was out. I had to get few of my documents attested for a form submission. 15th February was the last date and I woke up from my slumber on 8th February. Unfortunately, I had to go to office on Saturday and spend 8 hours retesting the defects which were not even fixed. Another TL revenge you can say. Somebody told me about a govt school nearby where the head master was obliging everyone. Thank God was the word I uttered as I was planning to go to a government hospital which was 1 hour away. All these happened just few weeks before my appraisal. I could not even take risk of taking an off. The next day I woke up early, collected all the photo copies and originals to reach the school. It was pretty much like a government school. Kids were running here and there. Confused to the core I asked a woman in pink sari: "Excuse me!! May I know where the head master's cabin is?" First she stared at me and then asked why wanted to meet him. I replied that I had the documents attested. She told me to come after 3 pm.

Sad and depressed I told her that I cannot wait so long, on that she showed me the head master's cabin. I thought pretty fair, If he says no I can go to the hospital.

I gave him a brief introduction of the background story and he instantly agreed to attest. He asked for a contribution of Rs 400 which I gave readily. May be he would have kept the money for himself but that is not what touched me. What touched me was that he looked at my CAT score card and asked: “With this score will you be able to apply to IIMs?” I was wondering what was wrong with this guy; couldn't he just sign and let me go? Then he said: "Why I asked you is my son graduated from IIMA, we went to his convocation. He arranged a car for us to visit few places."

I could not speak for 10 minutes.

I kept on looking at that old man's face. He was so peaceful and happy. The sapling he nurtured so long was blooming today. He taught so many kids and must have struggled all of his life but today when he was telling me about his son , the twinkle in his eyes was worth seeing. I went back to office , worked like hell as usual but there was something I wanted really bad that day.

Yes to be that child who made his dad so proud and brought that winning smile on his dad's face. Hopefully someday, somewhere I will also be able to make my dad and mom proud.

251

The crowd outside wanted to know how stable the market was and where they should dump their money. I sat inside, cool, calm, unaffected with the noise outside and the discussions as to why I chose to be the CMO and not the CEO of the $ 100 billion firm, the technician was setting up the mic and I was browsing through my Facebook and twitter feeds. In less than ten minutes I was to address a world full of a budding audience about the stability of the markets, the targets in various industries and how we would strengthen the pre-sales force. The phone buzzed. My personal number, a mystery to all gets a call from an unknown number.

"Hi, AB."

"Hey, how are you? You seem to be doing great in life."

"I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

"I am C from your Alma Mater. Could you please help us with the PI rounds and some speeches during our selection process?"

I was shocked. I felt anxiety. My adrenaline rushed. I was getting a headrush all over again. My Alma Mater remembered me. I felt my heart throb like it had on the day of my own interview. I felt cold sweat after about eight years.

"Hey AB, you there?"

"I will be honored to do this for my alma mater."

"I'll mail you the rest. I know you are about to speak. Apologies if I caught you without notice."

"That's ok. Will await the mail."

I went back to a flashback, 3 young guys, unknown to each other, happen to enter the building at the same time. They acquaint themselves in the lift and start discussing. The tension and anxiety on the face clearly visible, yet the effort to hide it creating lines on the temple. This was the PI I was waiting for since the day of results. We entered and saw a 50 people group. Tension increased, we started calculating probable chances. If it was 1 in a 4, was it 1 in us 3?

After 6 grilling hours of GD and PI, we left the place. All we were left with were the questions asked. The millions of things we prepared that remained unasked. The 20 minutes that we thought we rocked. Did we? The shouts of the GD still buzzed our ears. Who should have done better? Who should have said what? It didn't matter anymore. The moment passed. We did what we had to. They had a smoke. All the three seemed to have done well. The wait for the call was what was left. And that's when my alarm rang.

I woke up only to realise the PI results weren't out yet. Life was playing a dirty game. Dreams of being a CEO and harsh reality of better students putting up their profile on PaGaLGuy. Just then my mother brought in my coffee saying "if you are done drooling over yesterday's PI, Wake up to the PI called LIFE."