Today I saw a shining dew drop walking with flowers around her. The dew drop had the charisma to make any petal, any thorn, any branch or any tree around it go crazy for her. But still I felt the happiness from her face missing. There was something deep inside her heart that was eating her up. The reason for her sadness was a thorn with whom she got so attached that when she left the thorn and went on the smooth grass, her shine dropped. All that dew drop wanted was to cheer the thorn by being there on it and converting it into a flower by the magical tricks that the morning ray taught her. But no matter how much and whatever she tried, she had to leave the thorn. Thorn promised her that it will be there with the dew drop as long as it can, but the dew drop, she was in a hurry to convert the thorn into a flower, which led the magical trick go wrong, there by making the dew drop fall off the thorn. Thorn is dying out since the dew drop was the one who was giving it a reason to live. Thorn otherwise was just a hurt giving waste. The thorn, which was once a very special to the dew has no longer any existence in the garden of life, since the dew drop is gone and the thorn is all alone again...
"London Paris Berlin Rome Moscow New-York Washington Geneva Vienna"
This is the earliest lesson I remember I learnt in my childhood.
Tall, big glasses, clean shaved, benign face with wrinkled eyes n mildly sunken cheek. That's how I remember my grandfather. And he daily used to make me learn these names.
The then new arrival to this planet, merely orbiting the sun 4th time, I hardly knew what these weird names meant. With immensely confused tongue, somehow I managed to give these sounds an outer garb of speech.
Stories of my grandpa used to be a great source of fun n childish glee. With incentive of an extra story, I was made to gulp down the milk from my glass till its last drop. And Oh.. stories were they.. so innocent and beautiful with no twists n complications, just plain simple stories, used to impress a profound impact upon my young heart. In the backyard of our home amid sunny winter afternoons, countless hours I spent on his laps, playing arbitrary games n engaging with him in some fairy-tale conversation.
Poison of time spares none. Acting slowly n continuously, it took away that 'me' , who could laugh whole-heartedly just after long obstinate crying spell. I lost my childhood n soon was 12. Stories no longer entertained me.
Grandpa then started teaching me basic science n told me many real life stories of various famous scientists. From him for the first time I learnt the famous equation E=mc^2 . Sometimes quoting Aristotle, he would explain various things for which I was still too young. Not able to digest those terse philosophy, I used to run away from him.
Gradually the innocent school books started taking horrible forms. Syllabus increased exponentially every year. I no longer was able to spend time with my grandpa. Learning, that used to be so much fun on his lap few years back, became a burden soon. Though I always wanted to be with him, but the pressure of school, coaching n self study made it almost impossible. Now I think, what's the use of such education system that somehow disconnects you from your loved ones.
It was 2006. I showed my high school score card to him. For the first time I saw his eyes beaming with proud n happiness with such an intensity.
In the forthcoming days I became busier. I was absorbed in preparation for intermediate exam. In front of my room, there is a narrow veranda. Sometimes I used to see him through the window, strolling or sitting there, thinking something or murmuring something to himself.
Sometimes staggering through the corridor, he used to knock at my door just to hear my voice. He would ask " Have you dined yet" ? although he knew that I dined long ago. Sometimes I used to observe him very closely. He had become older with more wrinkles on his face. The tall figure was no longer straight n firm. He had become more absent minded.
Days passed by. It was 2008. I handed him my 12th mark-sheet. He hugged me and patted my back. He always used to say in fun- " Before science n maths exam, instead of praying to God, pray to Einstein"
It was the end of October 2008.Wrapping him around my arms I was sitting in a van, along with my father n grandma. I could clearly see fear on his face. Never I saw him this much nervous. He was terrified. The van was parked outside our home ready to leave for hospital. Just as the van started, he told me that he is afraid he might fall off from the van. I tightened my grip around him n assured him that he would be fine. Suddenly a strong feeling seized me that that might be my last chance of holding him alive close to me. For the first time in my life I saw tears wetting his when the van drove away from home.
The last time I saw him alive, he was lying in the hospital bed, pale and cold. When I entered the room he even was not able to recognize me for a moment. But a minute later I saw that familiar smile and affection that he always had for me. He barely managed to speak. He was a big admirer of Einstein. I asked him to quote that famous equation. To my surprise, the man who was a minute ago not able to recognize me, quoted accurately Einstein's equation. We all were happy n somewhat relieved seeing this. But looking at his condition, we all knew very well, he would not make it. I just wanted to hear something positive from him before leaving the hospital room that day. I was very happy after his reply.
He was 89 by 15th of November 2008. And ever remained so.
Though I still play on his lap sometimes in my nocturnal voyages, where I find myself again as a little kid, listening to his rapturous stories...
With all the enlightening dictums that impact our minds full of crime,
The zeal we have is to leave our footprints on the sands of time
The stereotypical notions of the malicious society have pestered us throughout our lives,
So why do we need a mask to make everyone happy;be it our boss,our uncle or our wives
Let us for once indulge in the pristine beauty of our individuality,
Let us for once answer our desires and inhibitions and not our rationality
The vast landscape of our imagination will tickle us to our ribs,
The polaroid of our life will tell us a riveting story we won't crib
Living for inner salvation for a change will be as captivating as Hawaii beach,
Our adrenaline driven souls will suffice us to learn;nobody required to preach
Once we realize the treasure of the 'Thing called life' and unravel its mystery,
All the pain,the sorrow and the bitterness of yesterday will be a history.
Many people, such as those who come from political families, are groomed for politics. Knowing that they want it as a career, they prepare for it in their formative years. I on the other hand, had just delivered my first baby when I won my first election in 2005. He was five-days old and I was out there campaigning in my constituency. I had also just lost my father. Right at a time when these emotional upheavals were tearing me apart, I registered my first election victory.
I was never really groomed for politics. Although my father had been a Member of Parliament for 25 years, I was never working with him politically. I had always been more inclined towards the social work field, having worked with the Spastics Society of India for nearly four years in the area of policy change. That was the first time I had any connect with the government. The organisation wanted an education policy change that promoted inclusiveness for spastics, and I had to deal with everyone from the human resources development ministry in Delhi to the principal secretary-level officers in states.
When I first became a parliamentarian, I had to understand what my role and responsibilities were. There were many hopes pinned on me because of my father's work for the constituency I now represented. There was a time when I was really struggling to prove myself. I had to work extremely hard and live up to those expectations. But I could do that only after I learned and studied what was needed. That involved interacting with a lot of people and understanding their issues. I spent my time meeting as many people as I could. Simultaneously, I was becoming aware of my own drawbacks and strengths. Once I fell into the groove of things, being in politics started coming naturally to me.
I had always worked with people back in my NGO days, so as a politician, I just extended that to a larger scale. An NGO has to struggle a lot to get their point across. But when you are part of the government, you have access to a lot more people and resources. That gives you an edge. If you can use your political platform for the right reasons, you can reach out to a lot more people. Even now, I encourage other NGOs and support those who are doing very good work. A lot of NGOs end up addressing areas where even the government may not have reached out yet.
I don't think i am the kind of person who feels that because I am an MP, I am right all the time. Whenever I have to take a decision, I call the entire team in and explain to them the problem and how I want to tackle it. They are very open with me and frequently correct me and suggest alternative solutions. I have always felt that working collectively with people - including with citizens from various walks of life - and bringing in their ideas and implementing them creates a win-win situation for everyone.
Bazaar/Food Bazaar/ Big Bazaar___ are we saving or spending more?
When we say Bazaar we have before us a huge place selling everything we need, we want, we demand and dream of even if we cannot buy them. So specialized bazaars like Bazaar/Food bazaar/ Maxi Bazaar/Minil Bazaar helps us to save. We get all that we want in one place, so we save time, and energy and also money. Then it's a myth that we spend more? Not really.
We make a budget or a list of things we want to buy, but can we adhere to it once we are thrown in the middle of so many such things which are good and at one time or the other we have wanted them? So we buy a little more than we need for the present. We also change a few things in our list and opt for those that then seem more desirable. Then with all the saving schemes they offer one tends to buy more and more thinking why not when the schemes are on, and land up spending more. You tell yourself that this excess will see you through and you won't have to come back soon. But this does not happen. You are back soon to see what's new in the offing and what other schemes have been introduced for you to save money. You don't wish to miss out on the offers! Big Bazaar's scheme of bring all old things to them and exchange for new things is attractive.
A certain girl had come all the way from Jamshedpur with all old stuff, from utensils to clothes to other electronics goods to exchange for something new and trendy. This happened some ten years ago when a certain Bazaar was rather young. It was offering an Exchange sale on old items. To her surprise she found she had to dole out money before buying! That is, all the things are weighed against a price. If your goods weigh two kgs. And a Kg is Rs. 200/- Then your goods are worth Rs. 400/-. Now you buy goods worth Rs. 400? NO! You buy goods worth Rs 1600/- that is, Value of your goods is x; you buy off Big Bazaar, x multiply 4= 4x. If x=400, then you buy goods worth 400x4= 1600/- Got it? So next time you hear of such exchange offer you run fast the opposite direction! Why would you? Run for it. After all this Exchange Program is only once or twice a year. Think of all the unwanted things you get rid of in so good a way and you get to buy new things too, and branded ones! So at the end of the day you spent more than you saved, so what? Potatoes a kilo and onions a kilo come free go grab it even if you have to buy a few more things. Remember everything will be used up unless they are too perishable! Bazaar is not meant to browse but to buy! And Bazaars are where you must go and buy!
It seems just like yesterday when I went out to buy a new ink pen to better my handwriting.
It seems just like yesterday when I used to sniff my new books which I have bought for the next term.
It seems just like yesterday when I used to fight for the Diwali crackers budget with my parents.
It seems like yesterday when I used to fight with my brothers for remote.
It seems like yesterday when I used to get thrashed by my mother for throwing school bag on floor.
It seems just like yesterday when I used to complete my summer holiday homework in a day so as to enjoy the rest of it.
It seems just like yesterday when shaktiman was used to telecast.
It seems like yesterday when I was scared of Saturday parent teacher meeting.
It seems like yesterday when I was happy because we were having morning assembly in classroom due to rain
It seems like yesterday when I was scared by teachers about 10th class
It seems like yesterday when I was proud of myself as I have chosen science maths.
It seems like yesterday when I took the decision to go out of my home to achieve something.
It seems like yesterday when I got my first salary.
Those days are gone and are never coming back in your lifetime. Cherish the little moments you are having right now instead of crying over what you didn't have because ten years from now, you will laugh at your innocence and would wish to come back in these moments.
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. – John Lennon
It had started to rain heavily so we decided to take a chai break. I then started to read few of texts that I had recieved when I was driving. One of them said " Maruti Suzuki to visit our campus tomorrow , interested students may fill in their details in the spreadsheet". I almost jumped with joy but decided to first reach Cochin and then tell it to Apoorva.
So we were back on road and it was somewhere around Mahatma Gandhi road when we started to doubt if we were on right track. We stood there for sometime and waited for someone/anyone to show up. After 15-20 minutes we decided to make a left turn and continue till we see a sign board again. Suddenly out of dark a person riding an old luna appeared and asked us where we were headed. Amazed at his generosity , Apoorva curiously asked him that how did he know we were looking for directions. The guy just smiled and said "Follow me" . We followed him to a square and after that he advised us to take a right . We thanked him and took the opposite left turn.
Apoorva was some how not convinced and said that the guy had deliberately told us the wrong way .As we stood there for a few minutes that same guy appeared again but this time from front direction i.e. the right direction . We were astonished and speechless and scared as hell. He then explained that he had inadvertently told us wrong directions. He then drove beside us till we reached MG road and then he went along his way. It was a nightmare ,we were so sacred that we were laughing like mad men. According to Apoorva he was a ghost who had met an accident while asking for directions and died on MG road.
We then drove for at least half an hour and there it was, the sign board saying "Welcome to Cochin." Apoorva had caught cold and he was boiling with fever due to driving for more than 4 hours in rain. But he was planning to hit the road again and this time to Bangalore . I had to tell him about the possible interview chance as it was the only way to convince him to head back to college. He needed rest and a paracetamol; fortunately we found both. We rented a room and he slept while I waited eagerly for the Sun to come up.
Next morning at 5'o clock sharp, we checked out from the hotel and I took charge of driving. I drove for 3 hours at a stretch before we made our last but one stop. We were caught by traffic police, apparently Apoorva had a helmet in his hand and not over his head . We paid the fine and started laughing in front of those officers, if only they knew why. Finally, we made it back to the college. I gave that interview and got selected. We never told this story to anyone till our farewell day.
Life has moved on since that day ,but I have not .I still am the kid who wants to get back on road with his friends even if it happens only for a day or a couple of hours.
This story is also published at my blog.
Yesterday, I received a call from a dear friend who was my college mate. He called to check up on me regarding a whatsapp status which according to him was a cry for help. I explained him about my recent failures and shared my frustration . As we kept on chatting ,I soon forgot my pains and life some how felt great again. We talked about his new bike and weekend adventurers .He also reminded me of the Bike Trip we took in our final year. First we laughed at our idiocy but soon emotions took over and without extending anything further I thought it was time to disconnect the call. Today I want to write about that last Bike Trip ,we took together, not because it's a great story and the whole world should know about it, but because, I want to come back to this article and read it at times of depression.
It was the time for our placements and Apoorva and I were still to be placed.One fine morning a few final year students had a spat with outsiders and that whole incident escalated to university level war. College authorities had to intervene for safety of others and we were suspended till further notice. Our college had a peculiar way of handling such incidents ,they used to throw us out of hostels for weeks. Local students went to their homes and took few friends with them,while other like me rented a hotel nearby.
It was the fourth day of our suspension and I was cooking Maggie when Apoorva said "Yaar, Bahut ho gayi Maggie, I know a Dhaba ,it's just 40 Km away". So rented a bike ,a suzuki fiero with no head light, and decided to come back by before midnight. It was all fun and Pink Floyd till his father called to ask about his whereabouts. Obviously ,like any other good kid ,he lied . Here we took our first break as we discussed about possible lies we could have told to his father. We sat there for some time as saw the sunset ,it was beautiful . Now according to my calculation we had driven for more than 50 kms,so I stopped and said "dude, where is this Dhaba of yours ???" . He smiled and said "forget about it ,I have a better plan, lets drive to Cochin ". And like any other sensible person I said "awesome,lets do it " . He took the driver seat while I pointed that it might rain and it did . We continued to drive in rain as it was getting dark and we were crazy .
Yes,we did that too ...
We didn't know the route so we had to stop at every square and ask for directions. Few wrong tips and their misinterpretations led us to Thrissur bypass,which was like a U turn.It was getting darker and darker with rain showing no respite. So, we kept on driving in hopes of reaching Chocin earlier than expected. Finally the sign boards came to our rescue and we got back on national highway. Apoorva was driving swiftly but suddenly he raced the accelerator. I didn't ask as I assumed that he had intentions to overtake the truck ahead of us. As we were in the process of this overtake ,he said "Raghav, I want to tell you something" . I laughed and said "Don't tell me you haven't rode a bike before as your skills are shaky at high speed. He replied "Well,it's not like that , I have a scooter at my home not a bike ". I was bamboozled and shouted "Gaddi rokk ,abhi rokk " .
What followed ,read here...
Like every other child in the school, this guy too walked into the school,but he stood different from others. There may be many reasons cropping up in your mind and some of them may be he was ugly or he was the most good looking person in the school. But let me decipher the mystery before your imagination flies too high.It was his first day in school and he was wearing a colour dress instead of the regular school uniform. At the beginning he was happy being the odd one out but when everyone started pointing at him, laughing at him, he felt a bit uncomfortable.
He wanted to be like the common crowd but he was not knowing that one day he himself will wish to stand alone of the crowd, be someone different because the society admires the one who is different.
Every second, lakhs of new infants are born, billions of new dreams are being thought off, but does every person is known by the world.Does every desire gets fulfilled. The answer which your heart and mind will say you is an obvious 'NO'. The one who finds respect from others, become an inspiration for others are very few and they are the one who do something different. Who work for their dreams and before working they see dreams and make them real.
So now let us move back to the child who wanted to be like the common crowd so that no one points him out and he decided to get the uniform on very first day after school.
In their prayer assembly area he found a guy in school uniform standing on a large podium in front of the whole school with a pedagogue on his one side and a group of girls with table and harmonium on the other. He was having that scintilla on his face and it was gleaming in sun. Suddenly he commanded something and for his surprise everyone followed. His every command was obeyed with full sincerity by every child.
Now it is very obvious what he must have thought of. Yes you are absolutely correct he wanted to know who that guy is. Why everyone is listening to him? Who gave him this authority to command everyone being a student? He was later enlightened by his friends about that guy. He was the school captain, the 'Head Boy' of the school. And the next immediate thought which struck his mind was not being the Head Boy but to be on the podium and let everyone notice him.
Being a sharp and fairly intelligent person he was noticed by many teachers on the first week itself, some noticed him on the very first day because of his dress but eventually he came into limelight by his excellence in some subjects like mathematics. That dream of him being on the stage was fulfilled after few months when one of his class teacher called him and asked him to read out the thought of the day for his house.This house is not the one in which he used to stay but the one in which the students of the school are bifurcated for co-curricular activities. He belonged to 'Blue House'. And he lived his dream the next day reading the thought of the day on command of the same head boy.
He didn't stopped dreaming there, because the moment a person thinks he has achieved what he wanted, the moment he become complacent he stops achieving. I know the ascetics would preach about being self-satisfied, which will bring happiness. I don't deny this but according to me the moment you become self-satisfied your desires will die out and the zeal of achieving anything fades away. So if we want to excel we need to be greedy, greedy for more.
That passion of getting something more was there in him. He wanted that people listen to his command too. It would have taken time for him to be in that position as he was still in class 6 and the patience of waiting for 5 long years is not found in many of the anthropoids.
When you want something, you will find several ways to achieve it. An opportunity was seen by him on Wednesday morning, PT class. A combined class in which students from class 6 to class 8 were asked to retain their assembly position and do PT and again on the command of some fellows who belong to the same class. This time there were four or five students more along with a teacher on the stage who used to demonstrate how to do PT. He grasped all the exercises in couple of week and when asked for some nominations by the teacher to demonstrate he put his step forward having this in back of his mind that he will be bullied for this later on by his friends.
But he had one thing in his mind that to be different from others. He choose to follow his dream rather than being in the common crowd. He became the regular member of that group but used to stand in the third row of demonstrator. As he wanted to be the commander he tried doing the best so that he get selected by his teacher to take the apex position. For every success hard work is required. He moved gradually from the third line to the second then to the first and in a few weeks he became the second guy in command, the one who get a chance if the leader is absent. And finally after a year he became the leader of that session. So a dream of his got fulfilled after he got in command. He was happy that now people obey his voice, his commands. But still something was missing. What was that????
“Arey bhaiya… kyun dimag ki maa behen ek kar rahe, baith jao” he insisted once again in his crooked Hindi; but I was firm, and with a very blunt stance I waved at him and said “kyu maa behen ek karwa rahe ho, chale jao mujhe doosra mil jayega”, turning my face away, I started my sluggish walk away from him, trying to give him an impression that I didn't need him rather he did.
THUD!!! A loud and harsh sound behind my back and I turned around. He had hit his forehead with his palm. He got down from his three wheeler, irritated and now in pain (after hitting his forehead with his own hand out of frustration) and commanded. “Bhaiya… yaha se konkane chowk janeka tum 50 kis hisaab se bol raha hai? 70 barabar hai” Having stayed in Pune (outskirts) for 2 years I added: “Mein aap ko naya dikhai de raha hoon kya yaha pe? Aksar jate rehta hoon mein konkane chowk, aur 50 bhi zada hi hai dhai kilometer ke hisaab se."
Was Konkane Chowk really 2.5 KM from Wakad? I wondered.
He knew I would not pay a dime more. He re-tried. “Chalo bhaiya, na aapka na mera 60 dedo." I had traveled to that place before and yes even Rs 50 was a lot. I said no and looked for another auto.
Expectedly, he called me out,”Ajao bhaiya, baitho." I sat with a grin on my face. I stretched out both my arms and rested them on the back rest of the seat and took the center space. I owned him. All the 3 capacities were booked for me at the price that I quoted. I had won that bargain. I was the winner. At least, that's what I felt like, then. But this war was far from over. Pune outskirts is Sparta for Rickshaw walas and I did not know that I was dealing with “Leonidas” himself.
His Rickshaw would have clocked around 200 meters when he uttered with a persisting voice “Koi aur sawari try karta hoon, nahi milti to 60 dedena”. With a resilient and stern voice I countered “Apne 50 bol ke baithaya hai, mein pachas hi dunga.” I answered, “Mujhe waise bhi aur agey jana hai wo to mere pass utne hi paise hai aap ko dene ke liye isliye chowk tak hi bola”. I went on “Chahiye to mera wallet dekh lo, 70 rupaye hai …. 50 aap ko dunga fir baki 20 deke wapas bhi jana hai, abhi urgent hai isliye 50 de raha hoon, nahi to bus se jata”. He said “Arey aisa mat bolo sir, agey kaha tak jana hai bolo udhar tak jayega mai and mujhe ek bhi paise mat do, chalega”. I thought I convinced him in my bluff.
He insisted on dropping me till my destination without taking any money. He went past the chowk without stopping. I ordered him “Rokdo yahi pe”, but he was determined to sleep satisfied that night. He constantly inquired about where I actually wanted to go. Now I started feeling pity for the man. I thought to myself - c'mon on Shivam you can pay him extra Rs 10 even if it is not worth it. The Rs 10 matters to him...
I asked him to pull over and told him that I would pay Rs 60; he denied initially, but then he accepted. I gave him Rs 60 with a sympathetic smile. He took the money and smiled back. And soon we both stopped smiling.
We just looked at each other for some time. The reality struck. I had paid him what he initially wanted. The war was over NOW!!! And he had won it. His last look said to me: “Kid, you might not be new here, but I was born here."
He grinned and drove off.
"Your son will not get admission this year no matter how hard he's going to try." That's what my dad got to hear upon consulting an astrologer. Yes he's a stereotypical father who takes lesser rational decisions. This was during the time when I had decided to quit my job in order to pursue MBA. I had put my papers in August 2013 because I knew I ain't great at multi-tasking : studying and working parallely. I was no bright kid (most people are deluded by my academics though), so I wanted to devote time and prepare well to get some respectable 'percentile' in the entrances.
I didn't have much idea so kinda missed out on the exams that began at the start of the season (like CMAT1). I applied for the other exams and kicked off the preparation. CAT wasn't pretty much my cup of tea. I was looking at the other exams, which might look mediocre to many of you. Yes, MAT was in the list too. :)
That astrologer's words hadn't stopped ringing in my ears yet, and my elder brother coaxed me into visiting another one (my dad wanted to double check, you see). This one didn't say any different. I wasn't shocked either. I don't understand the logic behind this. I really don't. I know I may offend here many people's sentiments when it comes to astrology, palmistry and alike but I'm not against it. I'm just saying why not make efforts first and then probably wait for the result. It's no magic that you do xyz puja and get a seat overnight. You've gotta work for it. I'm saying all this now but back then I knew how much those words had bothered me during my preparation.
Results time. I managed a 99 in MAT, 85 in XAT, 82 in SNAP, 195 in NMAT. CAT isn't worth mentioning. :P I could manage 6 decent calls for the season. Again, decent is considering my capabilities. The best of my calls were TAPMI, GIM, K J Somaiya. :D
The GDPIs started. I know how much effort I had put in after the calls. Reading was something I hated. I pushed myself to read newspapers, watched debates on news channels. I wanted to convert every call I had got. I couldn't forget that astrologer's words. I wanted to punch him in the face and tell him that I proved him wrong. But I composed my thoughts and focussed on my efforts. Some interviews went fine, some were weird yet some I can't even find words to describe, ranging from as short as 5 mins to as long as 35 mins.
The moment came. One call after the other just brought good news and good news and more good news. I had converted all the 6 calls! My happiness and excitement knew no boundaries. All I could do was just sit and stare at my laptop's result screen every time and recall those words said by the astrologer. I don't feel like punching him now. Well, had it not been for him, I wouldn't have got that extreme determination (which came out of frustration though) and the headstrong attitude I had developed eventually to disprove his baseless thought process.
All I'm saying is, don't let anybody, I repeat, ANYBODY determine you or your future. It is your actions, your efforts, your determination, your courage that pave the way for your future. If you're doing it right, you're going to get it right.
Oh btw I've decided to go for GIM. All I dream now is of Goa and the 2 years of awesomeness I'm gonna have. :D
Good Luck all :)
I have never been an extraordinary achiever, someone who excels at everything he does. I have been very mediocre person, failing at each and every point I could have failed. Always followed the traditional path everyone followed around me, did HSC with Science, prepared for IIT, landed in a Deemed Engineering college(Where education means Business),Got an IT job, Prepared and failed in bringing a good percentile in CAT twice.
Life becomes so boring when we keep on doing same thing again and again. And when I do the same thing again and again in my IT job, It just makes me feel sick. But, Jobs are meant to be taken seriously, specially these IT and call centers ones where recession has proved that you can easily be jobless depending upon market situation. My manager always rated me only on two qualities however hard I work, they were communication skills and pro activeness, Strange that they always rate you on strange factors even if you got good comments from your client.
I was so disappointed with the comments that I started working harder and spending lots of time in office. Probably that's what most of the managers want you to do, to work like a donkey. My aim was not just to get a rating or show my manager that I can work like this, but to explore myself to know what goes wrong and why I am rated less than others. I have always been a person who believes in working hard in official timing of 9 to 6 than hardly working in the official timing and then sitting after that to showcase that I am working hard. But in IT industry, the latter option works well ,at least with all the watchman type managers who just keep track of the time you enter and you leave.
Something strange happened in last 2 months. I never spoke much in my meetings earlier, but now I was roaring like anything in most of the meetings, the reason being the functional knowledge I acquired by staying till late. I knew more than the others and I did not have to try to speak much as I was naturally speaking and answering client queries. I started raising issues which went unnoticed earlier and everything started getting better all of a sudden. I never thought I can ever improve on these qualities. But, somehow things started working well.
That makes me remember something which someone told me long ago, when everything goes wrong, just be quiet and start working harder. Never decide the destination of your efforts or think I would like to achieve till this much because once you set a limit you will start working with that limit in mind and once you do not set any limit and keep working hard, you can do wonders, sometimes more than anything you ever imagined. When you start believing in yourself and work with conviction, an unknown hand just makes all your efforts stronger than they are. I always wondered what that unknown hand was….and I found answer in this quote…
“The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.” -Vince Lombardi
The following is a mail sent by a 20-year old guy to his 20-year old love. Currently, he is studying in Chennai (mathematics undergraduate), lives in Calcutta, and his girlfriend is in Delhi (studying engineering at Amity University) (Prerna is a friend in her college). They haven't seen each other in a year, and often any plans to re-unite have failed due to one reason or the other. I believe, anyone who reads this, can very much identify the feeling from their own experiences:
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My heartbeat,
Since last Wednesday, (or maybe Tuesday night), I had been planning yet another way to reach you. Obstinate by nature, and the desire to refresh myself and do something "meaningful" in our relationship (so that we may have a great memory), I decided that after 9th May, I would tell my parents I have yet to submit an assignment (And by the way, I do!); and so I would convince them that I would book a tatkal to Kolkata, after all my work is done; while, I, after giving my exam on 9th, would fly off to Delhi and spend some 2-3 days with you and come to Kolkata from there. The dream was so inspiring and refreshing to me, that I went on dreaming this before going to sleep each night and made me so happy and cheerful, as I haven't been for ages.
I made plans; wrote pages after pages of notes; from hats to mouth-masks to iron chains for chaining the luggage to pivots in the railway sleepers, to buying a mug for railway toilet, to planning out what clothes to take... I found out another ATM card (the old Indian Bank ATM card) for storing the money for the trip and food, and even talked with people, and one of them even agreed to pay me 2,000 bucks and I had everything... everything from finance, to travel, to food and everything planned out. It was hair-raising with money and finances, but somehow I managed after trying hard after it for 4 days! (Yesterday, I got confident that I have all the money I need!) I dreamt and thought of almost every possible way to surprise you!
I wanted to surprise you; and I kept on thinking ways on how to surprise you: the most touching one to me was this:
I would go to Delhi while you would think I am going to Kolkata, and then I would go to your uncle's place and ring the bell and I would ask for you and you would see me in disbelief! I am even smiling right now! What a fantastic dream it is!
But since, I don't know the address of your uncle's place, I would either ask Prerna (since I thought she might know), and I began practicing how to speak in english with her (I practiced speaking to imaginary Prerna about your address for 2 hours, last to last night, I guess!). I even thought of opening a facebook account and messaging her, if I didn't get the courage to speak with her! Silly me!
The other idea was to go to Amity and inquire about you! But I wasn't sure, they would disclose your local guardian's address to a stranger, so I even thought of everything: how I would convince them telling I was your cousin brother, or I would tell the truth that I am your boyfriend and wanted to surprise you; each and every kind of crazy thought and I kept laughing and smiling at myself. I would think and think and keep on dreaming all this, and I would sleep with a smile to give an exam, the very next morning, in one of the toughest mathematics colleges in Asia!
I am smiling even now. It was such a wonderful dream. A dream that made me smile without fear or worries, when people were fretting about their exams. A dream that gave me the strength to keep carrying on. A dream that inspired me and made my soul fly above all. Fly above everything else.
The dream. I identified myself with it. It was my baby; I knew I would take care of it and protect it from all intrusions. I knew – no matter what happens I am not going to let it go away. I would do it, I have faced a lot and I would do it, no matter what it takes.
Until it was butchered into tiny little bloody quivering fragments of tortured flesh, by the hellish crookedness of the devilish sword of something known as "Life".
Until today.
Until the morning of Saturday 3rd May 2014, when Life decided to tell me the truth: that it isn't fair.
So how many of us remember the age old saying that started like this "Beta _____ mein mehnat kar lo ...aage future secured hai!" Although, fortunately for me, I wasn't put up to such a situation, I have pretty much heard most of my friends' parents, relatives etc. using the above quote almost as if under a spell or an enchantment! The "_____" usually makes its first appearance in the form of Class X...and then starts the never ending cycle...Class XII, IIT/PMT...MTech/MS/MBA/CA/CS...IAS and so on till the child forgets to take his own decisions and becomes a product which is a mixture of what people in his/her surroundings want him to be. I know this topic is cliched and there would be loads of experts out there who would have given enough thoughts and discussions to it in a much more detailed manner, but today I just felt I needed to express because of this being the same story everywhere (so, in essence, this is my first article and I am not that great a writer, hence,please pardon me if I make mistakes or am not upto the desired standards :P )
So I could hear them speak volumes about innovation, creativity etc. which their child is learning in their school (till std VIII), but the moment he enters Std IX, the lectures start..."Next year is your board, std IX is your base for it..now stop playing, study more, forget playing in this time etc. this is the time when you make your career (which essentially would mean getting high marks in boards so that you are eligible to take the fancied stream of Science in Std XI as doctors and engineers, supposedly, are the only two professions worth pursuing in India). The same people would happily watch "Indian Idol, India's got talent, Little champs" etc. and talk candidly saying "see how talented kids have become these days!" unknowingly killing the talent that might actually be in their own yard...unknowingly making us lose out another Sachin Tendulkar, Lata Mangeshkar, Yash Johar, Prabhudeva, A R Rehman and the like. We are a greater than 1 Billion population reserve, how can we still be so bankrupt in our ideas? How can we still be so modern in adopting a lifestyle and yet be caught up in the age old unbelievably orthodox preconceived notions?
And the real part comes in the time of results.Those relatives who couldn't have cared less for the entire year are suddenly the first interrogators for the child. If a child gets good marks, he is treated for a few days like "the best son/daughter" to again get into the next stage of this vicious cycle. However, heavens forbid,if the child gets a comparatively lower grade (these days I am astounded to see even 90% not considered that well by so many people!), then there would be discussions " Wo Sharmaji ka ladka hai...aapne dekha...97% leke aaya!", "Arey wo Gokhale ki ladki bhi toh 98% laayi hai!" and then the child would come into the picture "Aur in mahashay ko dekho, bas khel kud se fursat mile tab padhai karenge na!, Jab dekho video game khelne baith jaate hai, ya Computer pe lage rehte hain, ya cricket khelne chale jaate hain! Seekho kuch in se, apni life nahi toh kaise banaoge?". The 16 year old, not even an adult as yet, goes through probably the worse trauma of his life and either kills his personality (mostly his hobbies, thereby his true identity, all set to become another rat in the big Indian rat race) or, in an overwhelmingly large no of cases these days, himself!
The cycle repeats and the process slowly starts filtering out over the years in various stages (XII, UG, PG, Civil services...) the "creme da la creme" of the country based mostly on aptitude/biology/mugging power! If you are in it, Great! you were the perfect Indian kid to have been born and the other 99.8 % children..if only you could study a bit more! "Hum toh pehle he kehte the, beta padhlo, par tum sunte he kaha the,ab bhugto!" So what does the child belonging to the 99.8%, who surprisingly, is now a 25 year old adult, do with his life?
I heard the following from a famous foreign personality in an interview - " If i were to give a question with two choices A and B to the entire world population, 99% of the Indians would give the choice B - the correct choice on paper! which is great in theory, but almost everyone of them will miss out to think of a "choice C" - the unsaid, innovative and out of the box option! Indians are trained to be highly efficient workers,which is a great thing to do, but a billion strong nation should also bear the responsibility to cater innovators/inventors/artisans to this world too!"
Why is it that with such demographic dividend we are not in a position to produce 11 world level playing footballers?, Why is it that most patents/research publications still don't feature students from IIT/IIM when their counterparts in Harward/MIT etc. could replicate this at an amazingly frequent succession? The problem is, that an Indian kid, in most of the cases, doesn't live a life of his own! His life is a reflection of what his parents/relatives/neighbors think only to result in a total chaos and cluelessness when his time to make his choices have long gone! No matter how hard he may try to live up to their expectations, he would fail and then would expect his kid to do what he couldn't in the same never ending cycle... So that brings me to the title..."Whose life is it anyway?"
Apart from my mom, at that tender age of 13, Sukanya was my best friend. She still reminds me of the uncorrupted innocence of childhood. Witty, feisty and equipped with a rare sense of humour, she always managed to put up a smile in my face which lacked expression. We were too young and unblemished to fall in love but we took pride in saying that " We are the champions!". Sukanya was the first person who made me take a sip from the cup of friendship, rather forced me into it as I was much a loner. She took me for what I am and babbled and babbled, laughed and talked. Her incessant chirpings reminded me of the raindrops drumming on a tin shed. Frankly speaking, I don't pay attention to jibber-jabber but I just loved to listen.
And tell you what she did jibber jabber about "jibber jabber!" We were totally opposite of each other. Sukanya- a person who took life casually, had a big heart and never missed a chance to help others. She used to say : " It gives me joy, Senny! You and your books won't make you understand that!"
I ,the more practical of the two, thought her to be immature at that time, but at this age,I know for one that she was wiser than me. You see the human heart is too complicated to understand, the more you let it speak ,the web gets more complicated and in her case, it was the same. Blessed with a sharp mind ,I see the world in "+"(pluses) and "-"(minuses) where as she viewed the world through the heart. She once told me : "Use your heart to see for once, shut your stupid intelligent mind!" ..At that time rather than sinking into the depths of this sentence i found that the word "stupid" in connection with "intelligence" was a novelty that commended itself
But every good thing must end. Dark as that sounds, in my life, this sentence plays a vital role. She may or may not have been my first crush. I was too confused and pleased to care for that but she was a friend-a true friend.
Then that fateful day arrived, that changed my life, Sukanya'smy family and hers and put shackles on our feet and prisoned us for life. We were family friends and on the 2nd of April, we paid a visit to their house near Park Street. Her dadan advocate by the most endearing have ever met and always made us feel at home. Visits to their house were something looked forward too- Her gifts to me, those "chocolate sessions", teddy-hugs and movie sprees. We used to read massively at that time and egoistic and well equipped though am don't feel the simplest prick when say "Her vocabulary was far better than mine!". These sessions used to end with us bringing the dinner from one of our . And the fun part was that we could order whatever we liked!! Surprisinglythough we were oppositely polarizedwe had the same and craved for Chinese. The excitement, that eagerness to gulp down the boneless chicken balls and give each other less, was something miss till date. She represented a place where the uncoated me was accepted and nurtured.
The bill was one thousand rupeesexact. Dangling the plastic packet that contained the edibles she walked on, humming a tune by the sidewalk. Suddenly, a voice from street called "Hey Suki, where are you going? Come down here!".
Turning her saw a friend and without watching, started prancing down the street like a doe. Just then a honking truck came from the front and hit her so hard that she got airlifted. Being brushed off her feetshe screamed and fell flat on the ground with a thud. I was so shocked that couldn't move or breathe. It didn't end there. The momentum of the traffic was too great to resume and a car ran over her, crushing her rib cage to bits.
Her hair bathed in blood, her dress torn, my heart stopped beating. As much as would like to go back in time and change my static frame couldn't do anything but looked not blinkingunmoved. Her large eyes were open as if life was trickling out of her or as if Yamraj was sponging out the remaining elixir. Then as drew nearerthe scene that awaited me was something that gives me the creeps even today. Her entire chest was crushedrib cage broken and she oozed blood from all possible fronts. I couldn't decipher her calmradiant face as it was painted with blood! I started shaking in fear and self-loathing got the better of me.
"Why didn't hold her hands when knew she was so casual?"
"What am going to to her parents?"
I woke up in their room and found that fear had made me unconscious. Her parents were wailing and howling as her mom slapped me right and left. Although knew that was not in control of the situation and couldn't save her even if lived it a certain portion of me still thinks that am to blame. I was never me after that.
My innocence and spirit took a battering that day and this trauma had etched on my life a dark line which can never be erased. I still remember her and the times we had spentthe fights, . Thinking back, she taught me a lot and her voice still resonates within me. She gives me strength. .Wherever you are Suki, i want you to know that i cherished your friendship and that " You were right and i was wrong!" . The world's much more than pluses and minuses.
As i said he wanted something more.He wanted to be more famous.
It was just a group of people, only student of three standards were listening to him.He wanted to be known by every single child of the school. This was still achieved only a part of his dream.He was hungry for more. He wanted to be at that apex position which a student can hold in the school.
Something can only be achieved on its right time. You have to wait for the right time to get what you desire, but its more important that while waiting you should not lose your track. Every day you must think of it, you must analyse whatever you are doing is taking you towards your goal or away from it.
He was well aware of this and was very focused on his studies, but in back of his mind he was well aware of the dream. In class 9 he was the most eligible person for the vice-captain position of his house, the favorite among the teachers. In this real world where everything looks simple but when things turn up it is quite different.
To have a selection procedure three candidates were shortlisted. He was surely one of them and was the optimum choice for the selection but it was heart breaking for him to find that the position was given to a girl who was a teacher's daughter. He knew that no one was more suitable than him, but the decision was made and it was made against the wishes of many teachers and staffs.
He got upset and denied his participation in any activities for his house, the same one which we discussed before. The dream of becoming the school captain was washed away with the politics he just went through.This was the very first time in his life he witnessed such a stuff. A more deserved candidate being sidelined and someone else with a favor was crowned.
But had he been left with this dilemma he would have never achieved what he wanted to. He would have always blame the system and thought of it being never fair to people. After some day he was called by the teachers and was given a brief explanation about their decision. They also gave a hint to him that he will be given the house captain post after two years.
Everyday at the time of school assembly there grew a fire in his belly when he saw someone else standing in the position where he used to imagine himself. Sometime it is not possible to get what you desire to, but instead of being angry and dropping the idea, we should work on the mistakes and find the reason for your failure so that you can bounce back harder. He did exactly the same. He recalled what his teacher told him and waited for the right day to come.
The day was not far enough. He passed class 10 with flying colors and was willing to take admission in the same school in class 11. Somewhere the focus shifted to studies and it hardly matters for him now as according to him, his main intention of being well known by everyone was almost fulfilled. Every teacher used to know him personally.
As said, It is necessary to oil the fire in between to get it glowing otherwise it will turn off after some time. This incident in his life played the same role as an oil, it turned the fire back in his mind which was about to get over.
His brother used to study in the same school, but was transferred to his uncle's house for a year. After he came back again he was denied admission in the school because of poor performance. Even after repeated efforts from his family members the principal turned down the request and he was forced to be admitted in different school.
Meanwhile he personally met the principal and tried persuading her but failed.He was disheartened and realized that has not achieved the aura he has thought off. He is still not that popular that on his request he can get his bother admitted in his school. The reputation which h earned with his hard work could not earn a seat in the school for his brother. Even being one of the top seed in the class he is not effective in front of the principal.
He took this as a challenge and the determination of being the 'School Captain' further increased.This time the reason was different. It was not to be popular anymore but to become powerful so that no one can turn down his say, at least in the school premises.
Today, as I await my joining letter my mind seems like a collage of myriad emotions. One the one hand, I can feel the void left behind by departing friends, the agony of missing some of my closest buddies, the silence that surrounds me at home unlike the pandemonium I experienced throughout my college life, the lethargy encompassing my body because of doing nothing at all!! But on the other hand, I also feel ecstatic of the fact that now I am a graduate. I am glad that now there will be no more of those unending write-ups, incomplete journals and last minute submissions where facing the wrath of your teacher was the most difficult task!! Now there will b no more of shivering hands in those deadly practical exams and no more of quivering lips during those flabbergasting vivas !!! I am happy that I am done with those semester exams which had us slogging day in and day-out during the PLs with the guilt of not having started earlier!!!In a few months from now, I will be stepping into a 'Paradoxical World'-The Working World!!! A world that will gift me the pleasure of luxuries, the feeling of freedom, power and independence. A world that will transform me into a bread-earner for my family. A world that will give me innumerable opportunities to rise to the level of my ambitions goals and dreams and also the expectations of my loved ones!!!But it will also brings along with it the burden of unending responsibilities , the pain of extreme hard work , the trauma of encroaching deadlines, the pressure of competence in the rat-race for promotions and incentives so on and so forth!!!But I know that while stepping through the doors of my newly found workplace , my second home in the near future, I will have to shed all my preconceived notions & prejudices about bitching colleagues, nagging bosses, unfair gender biasing, male chauvinism, sexual politics among other things to emerge with a whole new positive outlook towards life and work!!!I know like me there are hundreds out there experiencing the same feelings. A coin always has two sides and “optimism is the key to success” , My Friend. So I hope that all of u succeed in overcoming your fears and bringing out the real “Entrepreneur” in you.Wishing U luck in all your endeavors.
Happy Working!!!
Relationships, what are they? I guess they mean different things to different people. For some, it's everything and for some it's just something menial in their life. Sure we have modernized but I think we have modernized a bit too much. Our best friend is our mobile phone now and we love to call every second person as our BFF. We think driving a big car makes us supreme and for the love of god, I would never understand the concept of wearing sunglasses indoors!!!
We feel absolutely convenient and even liberated in using our tongue and blabbering out whatever words come to mind. Though I seriously doubt if we even let most of the 'cool' words reach the mind before they reach the recipient's ear. We feel we have the right to say whatever we want and then a few songs, the lyrics of which goes like 'its my mouth I can say what I want to', help us reiterate this belief in the 'freedom' of speech. Whatever happened to being genial!
It's simply thwarting to observe the usage of 'words' at the beginning of a day while commuting to work. It's just incredible and melody to ears (read disgust) to hear slangs the moment one steps out of house. It's just everywhere, radio, metro, buses, lifts, coffee shops. Thank God that we are not living in the 'Game of Thrones' age else everyone would be letting his/her sword taste blood each day.
Alright, let's forget slangs for a while and let's even come back home. It's menial to see the kind of respect we offer our elders, our parents these days. We assume that snapping at our parents and our siblings is just alright because it's 'mah' life. It's as simple as taking relationships for granted. We know it in our heart and in our soul that our foolish silly parents won't leave us, and our sibling won't run away even though he wants to do just that. In fact, the sibling might just give it back to you in your face. What the hell is wrong with our patience level? Why do we loathe so many things, so many people around us? I bet there's something wrong with each one of us.
It's in our low and dark moments that we sometimes may comprehend how we deal with our relationships more often than we should. It's in these moments of self-confession that we feel hollow with our gratitude level because it hits us that we have forgotten to invest in our relationships any more. We feel lost in the vastness of this world and the emptiness of ourself. We struggle to find ourself and we are willing to go any mile to find a way to find ourself. We want to get into a threadbare simulation mode wherein we willingly peel off all possible layers of the kind of person that we have become but it just doesn't come easy to us now, does it?
Ever wondered what's the reason? I am sure they are plenty because I myself can't count them on my eight fingers and two thumbs but the one that comes to mind without much effort is our 'words'. I honestly find the analogy of comparing words to winds befitting because words can't be contained once said, words do the damage they are supposed to do and could even evoke a disastrous tornado at times. And we all know the level of destruction a tornado can bring.
So before we feel all the more lost on empty roads feeling like an empty road ourself, let's collectively watch out for our words. Let's promise ourself to be kind, to be wise and to love. Have you ever seen someone disgusting you when you smile at someone, even a stranger for that matter. Just imagine yourself in a room with people all around you on your 60th birthday (hopefully you shall live that long). What would you want them to say about you?
Never say the words that you don't want to hear!
I really dont need a specific day to recount her contributions to my life. But it's probably because I'm 1000 KMs away from her that yesterday when it beeped almost on every platform about this day, I thought of writing this brief account for her.
I remember her preparing me for my school ensuring I had completed my breakfast , kept my water bottle, all notebooks ,and then waiting for me at 4 pm, meanwhile finishing all other daily chores,cooking the food again for me, then preparing something to eat in the evening, buying daily necessities from the market,arguing with the shopkeepers for some discount,returning back home generally by walking and not rickshaw to save few bucks, preparing the dinner and again cleaning up the kitchen .
I remember her carrying out the same activity for last 25 years,even more severely during my infancy.
Giving her share of food , pickle, salad, still goes on. But now when she does that, I keep on staring at her just thinking what are our mothers made up of! Now I love to shout at her when she gives her share of things, food, comfort etc to me and ask her when would she live carefree .
This day ,I thought of gifting her with something, may be a pearl set, some saaree. But couldn't zero in on anything. Because I realise the best gift I can give to her now is my time. Even if I spend all my money I can't give her that satisfaction by being away from home which my stay with her would give. I dont know if I would ever be able to repay her for what she has done for me, but I only wish I never hurt her in this life,in any other life, intentionally or unintentionally.
So if you've also not been able to talk to her in last few days due to any reason, call her now and tell you miss her.I'm doing that...now.
Wish you all a Caring and Happy Mother's day...
Wherever you go whatever you do you have to sit in a court... "Public Relation Court" this name is apt..... what the amusing part is you not even know that a case has been filled and my dear! its you who gone be trilled....you just have ignorance by your side.... There court there judges there lawyer there witnesses and there judgement.....true saying "human brain has immense capabilities" after all the whole judicial system is being run by a 1 man army....Sadly! you don't even have freedom of expression... you can't utter a single word in your defence ... there ideas or thoughts become lawyers .... they have your character certificate ...
If they are able to prove you juvenile well and good! otherwise you are sentenced to be kept alone in a red alert zone ... they having the highest danger around.....
In precise without any mercy or showing pity on you... you are sentenced to be HANGED TILL DEATH! you are just being left with your question which are never being answered .... not knowing that " THE COURT IS ADJOURNED AND THE FILE IS CLOSED"